By Sean Sullivan Lagniappe columnist

In the next few paragraphs I hope I can quickly and efficiently tell you what is bothering me. With all the things I bemoan in this space, one of the things that effects me daily is the loss of the adverb in the American vernacular.

It is not that people aren’t modifying verbs and adjectives anymore it’s just that they are simply modifying verbs incorrectly. This isn’t going to turn into an incredibly feisty grammar dissertation because my glass house isn’t impervious to rocks, but I do want to point out how easily we can get this American adverb derailment back on the tracks.

Let us quickly take a journey back to middle school and the wonderful world of adverbs. By definition adverbs are words that modify a verb, an adjective or another adverb. The real world value of adverbs is their ability to subtly communicate undercurrents in speech or writing. For example, the following sentence has been modified. “O.J. Simpson was acquitted of a double homicide in 1995, which left him free to commit a burglary and kidnapping last week.”

Now here is a little adverb action. “Unfortunately and irresponsibly, O.J. Simpson was acquitted of a double homicide in 1995, which left him free to commit a burglary and kidnapping last week.” See the way you can “pimp” your sentence using adverbs?

The next sentences are another example of using adverbs to make your point. “The subject matter in Alanis Morristette’s song ‘Ironic’ is not ironic.” Now I’ll let the sarcasm loose using just one adverb. “Ironically, the subject matter in Alanis Morristette’s song ‘Ironic’ is not ironic.”

I’m on a roll so I’ll give you one more example. “The recent annexation vote for the City of Mobile brought the Cimarron Lounge into the city limits.” Try this now. “Unfortunately, the recent annexation vote for the City of Mobile brought the Cimarron Lounge into the city limits.” See what fun adverbs can be?

For a guy like me who makes a living talking, adverbs can bring texture and hidden meaning to the things I say, but they can also incredibly increase everyone’s ability to backhandedly say mean things to one another. Ain’t adverbs great?

I got off on this latest tangent after being told to drive “careful,” on an upcoming trip, by a couple of people. Drive careful…where the hell is the -ly when you need it? So often I hear people ask each other to “do it quick.” Is it that hard to throw in the -ly and use the word correctly? The adverb is a powerful tool to those who want to intelligently communicate. I don’t want to get too hung up on -ly because words ending that way aren’t always adverbs, but interestingly many of them are.

Obviously there are many more types of adverbs out there other than those ending in -ly but these seem to be the ones bearing the brunt of the bad grammar offensive by the American public. Action adverbs in their proper form are possibly the most endangered. Regrettably you don’t have to listen to a lot of conversations before you hear someone tell someone else to “go slow” or “go quick.” Folks like to say things went smooth, all the while ignorantly ignoring the -ly that could quickly bring them back to the land of correct English.

Whether modifying action verbs, pimping an adjective or just putting the feather in the cap of another adverb, the adverb rightfully deserves being properly used in the English language. Now I will hurriedly retreat to my glass house and very timidly await the first stone.

Sean Sullivan is Lagniappe lagniappe columnist. Contact him at ssullivan@lagniappemobile.com.

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