By Ashley Toland Editor

I think I may be clairvoyant or a devil worshipper or “touched.” I don’t know, but I can see the future. As the ink is being pressed on this piece of paper, I will be sitting at the Tuesday, Oct. 23 council meeting, and I already know exactly what’s going to happen.

Would you like me to give you a peek?

The council will be asked to vote on the mayor’s $61 million bond issue, half of which will go to fund ThyssenKrupp’s (not ThyssenKrump, as some have taken to calling it) incentive package. The rest will go to fixin’ up the annexed areas, various road widenings drainage projects, bridge repairs and Mayor Jones’ pet project – the downtown Mardi Gras park.

It will pass five for, none against and two abstentions, from Councilors Connie Hudson and John Williams.

There will be discussion. Oh, the discussion.

When I look in my crystal ball it’s a little murky on when the said ad nauseum discussion will take place. It will either be after Councilwoman Hudson delivers her Finance Committee report or when it comes time to vote it down.

Oh wait. It’s coming to me. Yes, I can see. It will be after Hudson’s report, as none of the others will be able to wait until the vote because her comments will incite them, and they will not be able to contain themselves.

She will begin softly, with a brief summary of the meeting, which was Friday, Oct. 19, and she will say no real consensus was reached. Wait, wait, now my ball is telling me she will say something like this:

“While I absolutely agree we have to fulfill our promise to the annexed areas, there is no question about that, but I have desperate needs in District Six with no real guarantee from the mayor and administration that the monies for these projects will come anytime soon. And while I am not voting against paving the roads and making those much-needed improvements in the annexed areas, there is no question it is needed, but I just can’t vote for it when I represent a district that is already a part of and has been a part of this city for years. And, quite frankly, is being neglected.

“What am I supposed to say when they call me up and say ‘Ms. Hudson, I see you on the TV voting to give those people who have been part of the city for five seconds money, but what about our needs? Do our needs not matter anymore? Do we not count?’ And what am I supposed to say to them?”

Wait, wait . . . my tea leaves have just indicated she will reference the amendments she planned to offer to the mayor’s budget and remind it would have given them money to address her aforementioned needs, and then there will be a lecture on how borrowing money for this is wrong, and how she can’t abandon her “fiduciary responsibility.”

The stars indicate John Williams will “echo Ms. Hudson’s remarks.” Williams’ sentiment kind of looks like the Little Dipper.

Hold on, I just had a dream, (like Joseph, not MLK. Jr):

William Carroll will begin his diatribe by saying, “Mr. President, if I may …” I’m not hearing what he will say, but I am definitely picking up on a vibe he will be in favor of the project, and I’m feeling he may add some hint of concern about the bond issue – just to look, you know, fiscally responsible, but he will ultimately vote in favor of it, and he most certainly will be loud.

Whoa, whoa wait . . . my swami just told me Clinton Johnson will speak in third person and lecture on how it is not the council’s job to decide on how projects are funded; it’s the mayor’s.

I said to the swami, “will he say something like this?”

“For those of us who have been on this council for years, we know the proper protocol as it pertains to the administration’s allocation of the distribution of the funds to the projects in question. But it saddens me that some persons on this council continue to try and tell myself and my fellow councilpersons as well and the mayor how to do his or her job. We are all persons with reasonable intelligence, and I think we all can think reasonably and rationally our own intelligent thoughts as human beings, and for others to continue to try and tell others they are wrong is an insult to one’s intelligence.”

Will Gina add her two cents, Magic Eight Ball? Shake, shake, shake.

Absolutely. She represents the newly annexed area and many of those funds are going to her new constituents, so she will have to, though she will add she is concerned about the parks and other projects she desperately needs money for in the old areas of District Seven.

Wow, I didn’t know these magic balls could tell you so much.

One of my tarot cards indicates Reggie will say in one concise sentence he needs money for something but he’s going to vote for it because it’s good for the city and that’s that. And then I will wish he was my father, like I always do. And then I will spend the next few minutes wondering if that’s creepy, and if I need to seek therapy.

Damn, those tarot cards are good, but not as good as the ouija board, which is indicating something. What, what, what’s that?

F-R-E-D W-I-L-L A-L-S-O C-O-M-M-E-N-T

No duh, ouija board. He will just reiterate Clinton’s speech (in his own “Showboat” manner) on it not being the council’s job to try and determine how to fund projects. And then he will say slowly and repeatedly, “Just vote it up or vote it down. That’s all you got to do is vote it up or vote it down, brother.”

Then it will pass, and the Germans will get their money and the other projects will be funded, including the Mardi Gras Park, which Miss Clio says she feels a strong aura of tackiness around. But hey, she is in jail, so what does she know?

The meeting will eventually end. Fred will announce a beat meeting, and Gina will remind everyone about the Market in the Park and congratulate some tinymite football team who played in one of her parks over the weekend, which she had the “opportunity” to see.

Reggie will tap his gavel and say, “meeting’s adjourned.” And I will run out of there as fast as humanly possible.

I could be right. I could be wrong. But if I’m the former, screw this gig, I’m calling Dionne Warwick.

Ashley Toland is Lagniappe editor. Contact her at ashleytoland@lagniappemobile.com.

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