Mobile Magnified

Well, we made it through another year. From “Super Sweet” 16th birthdays to rock stars pooping in local blenders, 2007 was certainly bizarre. The Christmas party season was crazy this year as wll, and we only have about a week or so before Mardi Gras gets going – just thinking about it simultaneously exhausts me and makes my liver ache. Why does the calendar do this to us? Whhhhyyyyy?

Anyway, I have a few bits of new gossip and sightings but then I’m going to do what every columnist does this time of year. Oh yes, it’s time for the “Best of Boozie 2007.” And actually there were some pretty foul things that happened this year, and I think we should all probably relive them.

A Lagniappe Christmas

I knew the Lagniappe Christmas party was going to be ugly when I walked up to the open bar at the Bienville Club and the signature drink of the evening was a “Poinsettia,” which was a delicious vodka martini with Cointreau and pomegranate juice thateverybody drank like they were shots. And it all went downhill from there.

Well except for the fabulous Bienville Club. I’ll have to admit it had been a while since I had been there, but they did us up right. The food was absolutely delicious – tempura asparagus and shrimp, dips, turkey, stuffed pork loin, and on and on and on. It was divine, though I’m sure they cringed when we played Redneck/Crackhead Dirty Santa, where everyone brought a gift designed to make a redneck or crackhead happy.

The hits of the night were: a Sammy’s “gift certificate” (AKA: wadded up dollar bills), a Bedazzler, hoo-ha hair dye, a redneck port-a-potty (a toilet seat attached to a bucket), a bug zapper and a Fat Albert robe.

I’m sorry to say that Rob Holbert ended up with the robe and walked out of the Bienville Club wearing it, a hat and holding the leftover turkey. It was sad and the debauchery ontinued (as did the robe wearing) at Callaghan’s, where the 92 ZEW crew was also celebrating its Christmas after-party.

Let me just say the “ladies of Lagniappe” were a little out of control – many pictures had to be deleted the next day. They weren’t pretty, and I’m told some involved partial nudity.

More Lagniappe hijinks

Later that week, another Lagniappe “lady” was on what can only be described as a “full-fledged assault on her liver and then the world” at the Eliot Morris show at the Soul Kitchen. I think she must have been “beyond hammered” (her words, not mine) because she claims there were tons of Santa Clauses there. OK, girl – whatever. Anyway, luckily Cheryl and J.T. of Callaghan’s fame were there to escort her to Monsoon’s after Soul Kitchen (which sounds like a fantastic idea), where her rampage continued. (Sorry Noell!).

And I’m told Christmas night found another couple of the Lagniappe gals closing down Monsoon’s at 4 a.m.

We are so proud of all of our drunken employees and plan on getting a group rate at Betty Ford – after Mardi Gras, of course.

Sightings . . .

Judge Rusty Johnston and family as well as downtown’s James Dean, Busaba’s owner, Roy Pope at Hollywood Theaters the Sunday before Christmas. No word on what they saw, though our spy confirmed neither were at “Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story,” which is probably good since it contains full frontal male nudity.

Just asking…

Which admitted TV e-mail terrorist canceled a huge Christmas brunch he had planned at his house suddenly, citing a “last minute family emergency?” I love it – might as well party it up while you’re still free, right, man?

And now, drum roll, please…it’s time for the Best of the Boozester: 2007.

January 2007

A local girl was chosen to participate on MTV’s reality show “My Super Sweet 16,” where parents throw their kids a big ol’ sweet 16th birthday party.

This is what we heard…

According to sources, her show, which will air next season (though I don’t think it has yet), was held at the Daphne Civic Center and the theme was “Winter Wonderland.” Everything was white, including the food. I’m assuming her dress was as well, which supposedly she flew to Paris to get.

The highlight of the evening (for the girls at least) was when teen heartthrob/musician Teddy Geiger played.

Former county commissioner Juan Chastang threw a fit when he and an entourage of about seven or eight people where denied entrance into a super-swank GMAC Bowl party at the Exploreum, which Boozie feels she should be invited to this year … hint, hint.

Finally, January was topped of (so to speak) when someone pooped outside of Judge Rick Stout’s door at Government Plaza.

February 2007

Of course, it was all about Mardi Gras gossip.

I guess you really can’t run a Spellcheck on Mardi Gras floats – a fact that was painfully obvious on the Pharaohs lead float Saturday, Feb. 3, which proudly proclaimed they were celebrating their 22nd “annivesary.” Happy Annivesary, Fay-rohs and don’t feel bad we catastrophically misspell things all the time!

Last year one of the Mardi Gras knights known as the “fun, French one” was almost arrested for throwing something inappropriate from a float – we’ve heard everything from an ice chest to a Screwdriver (vodka & OJ – not the tool) from the float. So chivalrous! Apparently instead of going to the pokey, he was made to stay in his hotel room the rest of the day.

March 2007

Apparently when Travis Tritt played at the Saenger last year he was scared he was going to get attacked in Mobile. A source inside the venue told us that the country music star, who played here on St. Patrick’s Day, requested that he go straight from his tour bus to the stage, perform, then go straight back to the bus.

Our spy says the reason for this heightened security was because Tritt supposedly ran his mouth about bikers on stage and pissed off some of them off at one of his past performances in Mobile. I guess he was scared they would cut off his sweet mullet.

April 2007

This is sort of lame but since it’s presidential, I’m, including it.

During Rudy Giuliani’s visit to Mobile in April at Jerry & Terry Lathan’s home in Theodore, they served grits in martini glasses. Our spy isn’t sure if the former mayor ate any grits, but he did enjoy some Maxwell House coffee and Tropicana OJ. Should have been fresh-squeezed for $1,000 a couple, don’ t you think?

May 2007

Residents of LoDa were saddened by the loss on longtime downtown bon vivant Johnny Rue.

Whitney Houston’s ex Bobby Brown, who was in town for Funk Fest, dined at Wintzell’s downtown. Our spy said he was with his new girlfriend (at the time), Karrine Steffans, who supposedly was Whitney’s BFF and was rumored to have caused their divorce.

June 2007

First Lady Laura Bush visited friends in Ashland Place and was spotted at several MiMo antique/art stores, including Yellow House and Atchison Imports, though we were told she had several decoy First Ladies running around for protection, so we’re really not sure if she was there.

A few “lucky” local ladies managed to get on Poison frontman Bret Michael’s tour bus after he played at The Wharf June 15. This came at the height of his popular VH-1 show, “Rock of Love.”

One girl made it clear she had no interest in his “Rock of Love” saying she only got on the bus because she needed to use the bathroom and she added, “I did not sit on the seat either.”

But apparently another girl was interested in more than his mobile rest facilities and as she was getting cozy with him, she stuck her fingers in his hair in an attempt to run them through its luxurious blondness but apparently too much Aqua Net prevented her from stroking the hair of Bret.

July 2007

The 2007 Nappie Awards were a huge hit at the Saenger Theatre, as was the after-party at The Royal Scam.

‘80s bubblegum pop star Tiffany made an appearance at B-Bob’s. The Fruit Loop spies said she was “very nice.”

August and September 2007

They kind of sucked. It’s too hot to misbehave that time of year.

October 2007

Of course, the big story was the Velvet Revolver blender Poop-gate. Yes, apparently the band (which is made up of former members of Guns N’ Roses and Stone Temple Pilots) requested to have a blender backstage. When the catering people went in to clean up after them, they found doo doo in it. Yes, it’s still as gross now as it was then.

November 2007

Billy Dee Williams (Lando Calrissian in “Star Wars”) was spotted getting cozy with a male friend at Liquid after a show at The Saenger.

December 2007

FOX 10’s Anissa Centers left us.

Well kids, that’s it for this year. I can’t believe we survived another one. Thanks for another great year of misbehaving and such. Let’s hope 2008 is just as scandalous, if not more. And just remember, whether rain or shine, dramatic or scandalous, or just some plain ol’ Fat Albert robe lovin’, I will be there. Ciao.

Boozie Beer Nues is Lagniappe social butterfly. Contact her at boozie@lagniappemobile.com.

Archives