By Rob Holbert Managing Editor

When I walked into my favorite watering hole the other night, my buddy William Hinge VanAnterse III – Trey to his friends – was standing at the jukebox with a perplexed look on his face. In between slugs of Crown and Diet Coke, he flipped through albums, scanning quickly then moving on to another.

I had to admit it was out of character for him, but it was nice to see him up and off the barstool.

“You looking for a fitting entrance song for me? Try ‘The Winner Takes it All’ by Abba. I’m sure you’ve probably got it in the eight-track in your Gremlin,” I joked.

“Man if I was going to play an Abba song for you, it’d be ‘Dancing Queen,’” Trey shot back, barely looking up. I have to give it to the man, he knows his Abba.

“Well, what are you looking for so anxiously? Just play a bunch of Skynyrd and Bob Seger like you usually do and sit back down,” I said.

“I’m trying to find something very specific,” Trey said. “Apparently Attorney General Troy King recorded a song with Johnny Cash and I want to see if it’s any good.”

“What in the world are you talking about, Trey? I know Johnny Cash has been dead for four years now, but even someone consigned to lying in the cold ground with worms would probably rather continue doing that than record a song with Alabama’s foppish attorney general. That can’t be true, and if it is, it sure isn’t going to be on any jukebox outside of Troy King’s living room,” I said.

“Well, I was just reading this story about it in the newspaper that said Troy had recorded a duet with Johnny – a song called “My Elusive Dreams” – and then had CDs burned and sent them out as Christmas presents,” Trey said.

“And I thought fruit cakes were a horrible gift, but that really sounds terrible. He probably should have named it ‘My Elusive Singing Talent,’” I said.

“You shouldn’t be so critical. I’ve heard your so-called band deliver some clunkers before. It sounds like Troy really got into it. The story said Troy even rewrote some of the song’s lyrics to transform it from a love song to a ‘ballad of brotherhood and friendship,’” Trey said.

“I guess that probably means he didn’t mention anything about sex toys in the song,” I chortled. Normally I don’t chortle in public, but there weren’t many people around to disapprove. “I bet if Johnny was still alive he would have liked to have transformed the song into one about violence and putting a whoopin’ on someone who’s trying to take liberties with a dead legend’s memory.”

“Man, it’s not different than a bunch of drunks getting up and bellowing karaoke in some bar, killing everyone with their caterwauling. At least Troy went into a real studio and made his recording. I hear a good sound engineer can make anyone sound good,” Trey said. “In fact, YOU ought to look into that.”

“Even if it doesn’t sound awful, who really wants to hear some whiny politico ruining the memory of one of America’s great artists?” I asked.

“Let’s not get too melodramatic here,” Trey said. “It’s not like Troy King peed on the Flag or something. He just warbled a song with Johnny Cash. Frankly, I think it helps make him seem like a more likeable guy – not just some suit always running around talking about a bunch of legal mumbo-jumbo.”

“See, I take the exact opposite approach. I think trying to tie himself to Johnny Cash makes him even more objectionable than ever, and that’s pretty tough, considering that we’re talking about a guy who uses the AG’s office as a place to pursue all manner of personal vendettas – someone who should be run out of office on a rail,” I said.

“That’s where we part ways, newspaper boy. I like to hear my politicians sing songs, play guitar, or saxophone. It makes them more, you know… human. He apparently even put a picture of himself with Johnny on the cover of the CD, which is a classy touch,” Trey said.

“So Troy Photoshopped himself next to Johnny Cash, too? Wow. What were they wearing?” I asked.

“Well, the article said Johnny was wearing black, of course, and Troy was wearing a button-down shirt and tie,” Trey explained.

“Exactly. Do you really think Johnny Cash would ever have wanted to appear next to a guy like Troy King wearing a goofy tie? No way. It’d be like recording an album with Richard Nixon,” I said.

“I hear Nixon had an excellent singing voice, although I don’t know if he liked country music,” Trey responded.

“Maybe Troy should dig Nixon up and cut an album with him, then. I just don’t like the idea of Troy King, who seems to spend most of his time sullying the office he was elected to uphold, trying to attach himself to Johnny Cash’s image in any way, shape or form. It just seems kind of cheap,” I said.

“Oh come on, it was just a Christmas gift. It’s better than giving people a bunch of fattening candy or junk they’ll never use,” Trey said.

“On that I’ll agree. The folks who have Troy’s CD will probably find it very useful, especially if they ever need a coaster.”

Rob Holbert is Lagniappe managing editor. Contact him at rholbert@lagniappemobile.com.

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