By Rob Holbert Managing Editor

OK, what do we know so far when it comes to Boeing’s protest against Northrop Grumman/EADS building the Air Force’s next generation of tankers?

Well, judging from what most people are saying around here, I can surmise that one thing we know for sure is this protest has everyone as nervous as a New York governor with a prostitute girlfriend. Let’s face it, we WANT this tanker contract. We want it badly. And it seems many of us are starting to take this thing a bit personally, like we’re all airplane builders or French guys or something.

It’s hard not to, though. Here we are, little ol’ Mobile, being told we’re going to get the kind of economic development plum that usually goes to bigger, sexier places. We jump up and down, scream “whoopee!” and down vast quantities of champagne. (Even out of plastic cups, like many of our elected officials did after the announcement. Note to elected officials – get some actual glass champagne flutes for the next announcement, please.)

Then Boeing files a protest. A completely unfounded, spiteful, Hail Mary of a protest. And it’s hard not to take it personally.

For instance, I’ve heard a lot of people say the folks running Boeing must be whiny babies or sore losers, or maybe even sore baby losers, whatever that might be. But that’s a personal insult and really doesn’t move the debate forward, now does it? The ironclad fact that they should dispense adult diapers with the corporate logo on it to certain members of the Boeing leadership doesn’t mean it’s right to say it out loud.

Let’s remember one thing – we are Mobilians, and we’re known for our hospitality and generosity, unlike some people who probably wet themselves at board meetings and stomp their feet like children while trying to get Congress to reverse a decision the Air Force made based upon solid merits. We’re better than that. Still, it’s not always easy to take the high road.

For instance, I’ve heard some people around here make unkind personal remarks about certain Congressional types like Kansas Rep. Todd Tihart and Washington Sen. Patty “The Disheveled Mom in Tennis Shoes” Murray. I’ve heard people – probably people who weren’t raised right – say Congressman Tihart and Sen. Murray might be “intellectually challenged” because of the dumb things they’re saying about this contract.

For instance, both of them say giving the contract to Northrop/EADS is going to cost jobs at Boeing, even though Boeing has repeatedly said it won’t drop employees. I’ve also heard them complain the Air Force suddenly changed its specifications for the tanker in the 11th hour in order to help Northrop/EADs win.

Now it’s probably just the stress of the Boeing protest talking, but I’ve heard several people wonder aloud if Tihart and Murray were hit on their heads recently, causing them to babble insanely like they’re panelists on “The View” or something. Of course I always tell those who ask such questions that it is very rude to mention the mental shortcomings of others, even members of Congress.

I’m sure if Tihart and Murray were capable of understanding what they’re saying, they wouldn’t say it. From now on, when we hear them say such crazy things, we should just smile sweetly and pat them on their heads like they’re your “special” cousin Willie who lives in the chicken coop. It’s the Southern way, after all. Let’s not forget that.

This personal animosity has even gone so far as causing some local folks to express disdain for the Seattle area as a whole, which seems terribly unfair. Those poor people already live a dreary existence, having to survive in a constant haze of drizzle, grunge music and mist, not to mention having to kowtow to Bill Gates and guzzle $5 cups of coffee from the Wal-Mart of beverage houses.

Heaping hate upon them just because one of their biggest employers is run by sore losers and their elected officials have the common sense of moose or some other kind of dumb Northwestern animal, is the wrong thing to do. Yes, it’s tempting to heap disdain on things that bear the Seattle imprimatur, such as the aforementioned Starbucks, which won’t even allow this fine, local publication to be distributed in its stores, because of some chintzy corporate deal that only allows in the New York Times and a local daily. God knows they’ve got plenty of room for horrible Josh Groban CDs, but they can’t give people something they actually want to read!

OK, see? That’s how it happens. An intellectual debate on the merits of the tanker contract can suddenly become an unprovoked attack upon the (I’m sure) very talented and seemingly non-evil Mr. Groban when you let things get personal. I’ll be sure to apologize to Mr. Groban or one of his representatives at Starbucks the next time I’m there ordering a double-whiny, super mocha, grande sour grape frappachino with whipped BS on top.

So please take my advice and try not to let this contract dispute get personal. If you find yourself Googling to find out how many Boeing aircraft have crashed, versus Airbus planes, and you start thinking Boeing’s not looking so good, stop yourself. Don’t let Boeing’s childish challenge drag you into the mud. Take the high road, and let Boeing keep pushing their silly, little protest, while we worry about making our new corporate client nice and cozy.

Remember, the ultimate revenge is living well, and as soon as we’ve got the tanker here, we’ll be living quite well indeed, and they can all just go to… Starbucks.

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Rob Holbert is Lagniappe managing editor. Contact him at rholbert@lagniappemobile.com.

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