Mobile Magnified

It’s been a busy week for the Boozester. Between chasing down the Jolie-Pitts in Fairhope and Kid Rock at the Flora-Bama, I’m exhausted, not to mention various tales of nastiness with perverts and cougars. So without further ado, please dig in.

Brangelina Madness

OK, even though the local daily destroyed the hopes and dreams of everyone anxiously awaiting Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s U-Haul to be pulled up in front of a house in Battles Wharf, we are still getting reports of people who know people who know people who know for certain they are coming.

The Boozester has her doubts, but the mass hysteria this rumor has caused is even more exciting. I mean, when the Register puts this kind of story on their SUNDAY front page, you know it’s big.

The Boozester thought their story was golden though.

I especially liked the part where there were reports the gorgeous couple clogged up toilets at The Grand Hotel. How could this possibly be true? I’m sure they do not poo.

I also found the Brangelina sidebar quite informative – especially the part where they were describing how each was the most beautiful person in the world and put a disclaimer to just ask your boyfriend or girlfriend if it was true. Hilarious!

Let’s just hope Brangie does not get a copy of it. They will think our entire town is insane, which it is.

Auto-erotica

Oh yeah, we are insane for sure. I have gotten a couple of reports from spies who have witnessed men, um, pleasuring themselves while driving their cars.

The first report was about a “gentleman” in a Camry driving down Airport Boulevard on a weekday around lunch time. According to the spy, he had his windows down, had a nudie mag up in one hand up against the steering wheel. He was also using that hand to drive. You can figure out what he was doing with the other hand. Seriously. What is wrong with people?

The second report came just a week later when two spies saw a similar scenario, though no magazine, with another man driving some sort of Honda down Springhill Avenue. The spy who was driving tried to get the man’s tag number to call the police or Keep Mobile Beautiful (who do you call in that situation?), but the perv noticed and made a sudden turn onto Florida Street. The spy rolled down his window and screamed at the guy, “We know what you are doing, pervert!”

Kid Rock and Roll

The Courthouse Spy ventured to the Wharf this past weekend for the Kid Rock show. The show was good, but not as good as the Biloxi show. Rev. Run (formerly with Run DMC) performed an old school set of Run DMC hits with Mr. Rock. All one can say is WORD! It was great. CS is still confused by the Reverend’s use of profanity and crotch grabbing. It was a bit much for a Holy Man.

CS was disappointed once again that KR did not play “I am the Bullgod.” What the hell?

After the show, CS and his crew ventured to the Flora-Bama. Rumor has it that Kid Rock was there on Thursday night rollin’ with his Homies. However, Bama insider stories vary as to what happened. One source said KR tried to rent out the top deck. To which, the FB employees told him, “We don’t do that sh!t here. You can hang out like everyone else.”

Other inside sources said he came and partied all night long with no problems. CS would like to think the latter happened with the Stone Pimp of the Morning.

Mountain lions roar

Apparently I missed quite a show at Callaghan’s Irish Pub a couple of weeks ago. I strolled in just as the band was packing up April 26 and the mood of the crowd could only be described as shell-shocked. A couple of people stammered that I missed something spectacularly awful,but they couldn’t really talk about it. Finally a young man with a strong stomach told me the tale of the tail.

Apparently two more “mature” couples had come into the bar and the ladies – described as “cougars” by one spy and “more like mountain lions” by another wag – began digging on the show by Lee Yankie and Hellz Yeah.

My eye-witness said camera phones began popping out as the ladies began dancing in a most suggestive way. Apparently one of the lasses left her undies at home, which was unfortunate since she’d chosen a very short skirt for the evening’s fun. She apparently assumed a position from which everyone was able to see her fashion faux pas.

To end their show, the lionesses reportedly pulled their shirts up over their heads.

Boozie was told these shenanigans would be posted to Youtube in short order, but I’ve been unable to find it yet. Perhaps I’m not searching the right term. “Aging skanks” doesn’t really come up with anything I’m willing to watch.

“I need more cowbell!”

WKRG reporterette Tiffany Craig was reported to have been helping out the band Peek at a recent party at Felix’s Fishcamp. My spy claims she was banging away on a cowbell and urging the folks in the party to get out and boogie. Who can blame her? The cowbell is a greatly under-appreciated instrument.

Really getting his hands dirty

We hear WPMI anchor Greg “Shriner” Peterson upset some folks at the Loma Alta tower in Daphne last week while covering an alleged arson attempt by televangelist Anis Shorrosh.

According to an eye-witness, Peterson, who was called out to report the story and get his hands dirty, upset some residents by reaching through a fence and grabbing some papers from a garbage can Shorrosh had supposedly used to set the fire. The residents called the local police and complained, and apparently told Peterson he shouldn’t be rifling through their garbage.

Perhaps he needed something to use to construct a shrine to the condo tower.

Well, kids, that’s all I got this issue. Just remember, whether rain or shine, dramatic or scandalous, or just some plain ol’ Brangelina lovin’, I will be there. Ciao.

Boozie Beer Nues is Lagniappe social butterfly. Contact her at boozie@lagniappemobile.com.

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