Mobile Magnified

Kids, it’s hot in the hot tub and everywhere else, for that matter. Lucky for you, I have a nice mist of cooling early summer gossip. So grab a nice lemonade (with some vodka, if you’re as Boozie as me) turn on the window unit and basque in my little salacious shower.

The Man is Downtown

OK, OK. I know. Apparently, the ABC Board is going insane downtown. I can’t tell you how many people have called or e-mailed me about this, and at first I just thought they were over-reacting. But then I witnessed it at the Bike Shop myself Friday, June 13.

The agents sauntered in behind the bar (with guns and in SWAT gear) and seemed to be checking labels on the liquor bottles. That’s all I saw them doing that particular night, which seemed a bit ridiculous, though I was more interested in talking to my friends than observing those guys. But another Boozie spy wrote in to relay a much more troubling tale.

“A couple that me and the wife know are professional opera singers who call the Wiregrass their home,” the spy wrote. “Recently, they had a married couple from Germany come and stay with them, and they had only ever been to NYC. They wanted to come to Alabama and get a taste of real America.

“Well, our friends did not want to take them to Troy, Dothan, or Montgomery (for obvious reasons), so they brought them to Mobile, because they know how we have that schizophrenic, Old World, New South thing going on. So, we met up with them to give the LoDa tour. They were charmed by Mobile after eating at Ed’s and Three George’s and grabbing a couple of drinks at the Bike Shop and the Garage.

“We wrapped up the night at the Brewery around 11-11:30, because they were touring Bellingrath the next day. As we were sitting on the balcony, they began to notice the riot towers and all the police in partial riot gear strolling up and down the street. They began asking, ‘Has something just happened? Why are they dressed like that? Do we need to leave? Is something dangerous about to happen?’ After I explained the situation (with the police and ABC Board), they wondered, ‘If they are just monitoring, then why do they have all that armor on?’

“As they grew more and more disturbed, they noticed some officials in red shirts with guns on their hips and bullet proof vests on. They inquire to who these people were, and I told them they represented the ABC Board and explained their purpose and how they come into bars and ID everyone and inspect the bars for violations to which they inquired, ‘If all theyare doing is checking IDs, then why do they need guns and vests?’ I could tell that this ruined their image of Mobile.

“So, these people who came from the country that gave birth to the SS and the Gestapo were genuinely intimidated and disturbed by our redneck police force showing off their ‘toys.’”

I thought the Nazi reference was quite fitting.

The rumors swirling around why they seem to be “going after” downtown bars are vast. I’ve heard it was because the shooting at Atlantis, although according to my spies the guy accidentally shot himself in the butt because he had a gun in his pocket, which is better than being shot by someone else I guess – though it still is not comforting to know he was packing heat. Other bar owners claim they have been told by cops and agents Mayor Sam Jones has ordered this.

Still others say other agents have claimed RSA President David Bronner doesn’t want Dauphin Street to be “whiskey alley” because it will scare off retail and residential. Some say they (the ABC Board) just need money and are trying to fine these folks for everything they can.

Again, this is all just rumor and specualtion (hello, this is the gossip column).

And speaking of rumors, I also hear this particular operation will end in a week and the “Gestapo” will go pick on someone else and LoDa will go back to being a peaceful place to booze it up. I sure hope so! With a name like Boozie, you need one.

Joe Cain Café

Me and my man friend had the opportunity to attend the opening of the Joe Cain Café in the Battle House Hotel Tuesday, June 3, and I’ll have to say it is quite impressive. Beautifully done, it is much more casual than the Royal Street Tavern and Trellis Room, but they still have an excellent selection of high end scotches (as the man friend discovered), vodkas (as Boozie discovered) and specialty drinks. There is also a cute little stage for live music, which Lisa Mills broke in at the party.

Chief Slacabamorinco and his mistresses (dressed in red) wandered around the party, boozing it up (of course) and fun was had by all.

Some friends also tried the food and said it was really good, making a special mention of their lettuce wraps and pizzas. I can’t wait to check it out again.

Wedding Belle on the ‘Hill

There was quite a fete on the ‘Hill a few weeks ago, as one of our Lagniappe lovelies (who looked stunning) celebrated her recent nuptials. The house was beautiful, with gorgeous lanterns hanging from the trees and fresh flowers everywhere. The food was amazing and the drinks seemed to flow from an endless fount.

The bridegroom gave Boozie the rundown on all the late night events, proving things can get wild, even in the ‘08.

“We had one lady guest throw up in the bushes. This was spotted by my 8-year-old step-daughter. We only had two broken glasses and one lost camera. We also had a number of drunken falls. One resulted in three missing teeth and a good bit of blood. No worries, the show-off was fine the next day, but told me it was not a good party until someone got their teeth knocked out” the groom wrote.

We wish them all the best and hope the “show-off” found his teeth.

Well kids, that’s all the news that’s really not fit to print, but that’s why I am here. So just remember, whether rain or shine, dramatic or scandalous or just some plain ol’ dental implant lovin’, I will be there.

Ciao.

Boozie Beer Nues is Lagniappe social butterfly. Contact her at boozie@lagniappemobile.com.

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