By Ashley Toland Editor

ARB deals with ‘spindlegate’

If it ain’t broke, then don’t fix it was the basic argument current members of the city’s Architectural Review Board made to the council Tuesday, July 1, after Councilman William Carroll attempted to restructure the appointment process, so that each of the city’s historical districts would have a board representative. This would ultimately have made it impossible for some of the current members, who do not live in historic districts, to continue to serve, so as you can imagine, more than a few well-coiffed feathers were ruffled.

The ARB is charged with overseeing and keeping the historical integrity of new constructions, renovations and pretty much any other project that requires more than a little duct tape in the historic districts.

The current configuration has worked well, having only a negligible amount of appeals of their decisions. But the small number of appeals they do have always seem to get nasty. Why? Well, because both sides usually have money in these cases, and usually one side hires an attorney, usually Doug Anderson, to fight their case. (When P-R reporter Dan Murtaugh and I see Doug Anderson at the meeting, we immediately go make sandwiches, as Dan says, “Doug is the harbinger of the long meeting.”)

Anyway, the most notable and memorable of the appeals came with “Spindlegate” and “Balconygate.”

In “Spindlegate,” if I remember correctly, someone actually went to jail (or at least had a warrant out or something) for having spindles on their Church Street East porch that were a half an inch too thick. Is a half an inch really that big of a deal? The answer usually divides along gender lines, unless you are on the Architectural Review Board. Ultimately, the council upheld the ARB’s decision and made the homeowner put his chubby spokes on a diet. But the level it escalated to caused lasting alarm.

“Balconygate” was a timeless tale of developer and dilapidated building. Local developer John Peebles renovated a dump also in Church Street East into a mixed-use apartment, office and storage unit. He added a balcony that wasn’t what he had proposed in the plan he originally submitted to the board, and then all hell broke loose. (Or in this case, rail. Get it – balcony, rail. Yuck-Yuck-Yuck.)

The unit no doubt looked three jillion times better, but the war between the two sides became more about “process” and “precedent” and the whole if “we let you get away with this, then we will have to let everyone else get away with it too” argument. Hey, I get that. But good lord, they did seem to want a couple of pounds of flesh from Peebles, as he had to pay all kinds of fines, before they were satisfied. They eventually reached some sort of compromise.

The current members who spoke at council seemed to think these high profile cases were the reason Carroll was proposing the change. It kind of got a little nasty with some ARB members gently alleging the council could somehow control the person they appointed under the new system, (perhaps with Jedi mind tricks?).

Carroll contended residents of the districts would be the best keepers of their neighborhoods, as they have the most vested interest. That actually seemed like a logical argument to me, but I was told I was wrong, it would just be rife with corruption or at least the appearance therof if it was changed to Carroll’s way (which would at least give me something to write about other than obese spindles).

Anyway, after some pretty cowardly abstentions (I’m sorry, I hate an abstention (unless it’s a conflict of interest)) and votes against Carroll’s proposal, the resolution died and all will remain the same.

I don’t think this is the biggest deal in the world. The current configuration of the ARB has done a superb job (and I’m not just saying that because I’m buying a house in one of the historic districts – wink, wink). I honestly think Councilman Carroll was just trying to let each of the districts have a voice.

The only thing troubling throughout this debate was the massive amount of paranoia, accusations and conspiracy theories. I mean, seriously, does anyone really think the councilors were sitting around saying “I can’t wait to get my own ARB representative because as soon as I do, I’m going to let all of my developer friends have 10-inch spindles if they want! Muhahahahahahhahahahaha!”

Please. If they wanted to abuse their power, I’m sure they could find better ways (or boards) to do it.

Regardless, it’s over now, and maybe the ARB was right anyway, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Nappie sap

We always use this issue to reflect over the past year. This one has been bittersweet for me. The paper just will not stop growing, due to a combination of factors, and we don’t see any sign of it stopping anytime soon. It seems like something just finally clicked. We are excited about the future of this little rag, and the plans we have to keep offering Mobile a little something extra and more.

But it saddens me that my mother, who I lost in March, is not here to share my joy in this success. She was proud even when the entire paper had about three ads in it, and I was making about 50 cents a week, so I know she would be even more so now. I miss you, Mom.

But I am so thankful to my co-workers, especially Rob, Kevin and our wonderful ad reps, who picked up my slack and allowed me to be with my mother in her final days.

I couldn’t have made it through this difficult time without you guys, as well as my awesomely supportive friends and extended family, and most of all, Frank. I love you all.

Ashley Toland is Lagniappe editor. Contact her at ashleytoland@lagniappemobile.com.

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