By Ashley Toland Editor

‘Planning’ for the future?

Shoot. I am going to come off sounding negative in this, and I don’t want to. Seriously, I don’t. And just know, I’m all for planning and “smart growth” and all that good stuff, I swear. And I’m sure these folks worked really hard and there was some valuable data gathered and their graphics sure were pretty and fancy – but did we really need to pay someone $300K to tell us we need a Whole Foods Store, parks on every corner and a new civic center?

I guess so, as the city-hired urban planning group EDSA just raked in that many clams (or oysters in our case), as they let us in on those gems (or pearls, if you will), as well as, made some, um, flawed (at best) recommendations about the waterfront and other parts of the city.

Don’t worry, your tax dollars will not be paying for all of these grand plans and structures, including a hotel and park on Water Street, a Sports Academy in place of the Old Hickory Street Landfill, and of course, high-end stores that would make some of the ones in Legacy Village look like Wal-Mart. No, private investors will be footing the bill for all of this.

But…Who? What? When? Where? Which? Why? How?

Yeah, I don’t really think anyone knows the answers to those questions exactly. It seems more like a “Field of Dreams” type approach, “if you build it, they will come,” though we’re not supposed to have to “build” anything, so I guess it’s more like “If you want it and put it in a Power Point presentation with fancy graphics, they will come.”

Hey, I hope so. I told you I did not want to come off negative here, and a lot of their ideas are good, but I just don’t understand why our own urban planners, along with city leaders and Chamber types and business peeps, couldn’t have come up with this. Hell, I know they could have. Most of this stuff we have been talking about for years. But I guess until you pay a lot of money for an outsider to say it, it’s not worth much.

Speaking of worthless things, some of the planners’ ideas for the waterfront are, while I’m sure well-intentioned, a little whack.

There seems to be this idea that we are a city with water but no access to it.

First of all, did they look around the water they want to give us access to? Hello, they don’t call us “The Port City” for nuthin’. The Mobile River is industrial and surrounded by cranes and trains, containers on top of containers, tugboats pushing barges and big ol’ ships, which I think is really cool, but I don’t particularly want to go gaze into it while drinking a margarita and eating cheese dip.

If I want to be on the water, I will go very “easily access” much prettier water in about five minutes by driving through the Bankhead Tunnel.

And if I want to “access” even more beautiful water, I’ll keep on going for another hour.

Does anyone really feel like we don’t have access to water? I just don’t get that -access to water is precisely why I live here.

Their plan states the waterfront doesn’t have to be an either/or scenario (industrial or recreational).

I guess you have to pretend the Mobile River is the only water you can access. OK, but how does that work exactly?

They have this plan for a fantasy hotel and park on Water Street. They also want to extend Dauphin Street and make it into a boat launch (over the train tracks and through the docks to grandmother’s house we go?)

Um, what are we supposed to do with all those containers of coal and bananas and stuff? Is all of this “recreation” supposed to just be nestled into the middle of the state docks?

Maybe they have all of this worked out, but it just conjures up frightening images.

Can’t you just picture Daddy and Little Timmy and Susie, well, this is Mobile, so, Little (Insert Mother’s Impressive Maiden Name) and Mary or Ann (Insert Other Impressive family name) taking the boat out for a day on the bay using the Water/Dauphin Street Landing?

As they are launching it, Daddy will say, “Mary Psoriasis, put on your life jacket.” Then suddenly there will be a loud bang. Daddy will look up and scream, “Oh no, watch out for that crane! It’s falling!! Noooooooooooooo!” A loud thud as Mary P is crushed by a crane. “No, not Mary Psoriasis!!!!!!!”

I just don’t see how this is supposed to work. But then again, I don’t see it as a problem in the first place. I think we have the best of both worlds as it is. We have a growing and thriving port that drives our economy AND beautiful water to play on just minutes away.

I’m sure these folks would say, well, we’re talking about tourists and pedestrian access to the water from downtown and hotels. Still. You can build all the coolest walkways and paths over Water Street in the world, I still don’t think tourists would be all that wowed by an industrial river, especially when The Causeway is just sitting there waiting (almost begging) for recreational development.

Anyway, I’ve ended up being a Negative Nelly, and I didn’t want to be. I want a Whole Foods and a Nordstrom’s and a cool downtown amphitheatre just as much as anyone else. But until our population can support such ventures, these mystery suits and developers aren’t going to just put these things here, no more than they are going to fill up all of the vacant downtown buildings.

It’s more of a “When they think they can make money, they will come.”

And I really don’t think we needed a $300K plan to tell us that.

Ashley Toland is Lagniappe editor. Contact her at ashleytoland@lagniappemobile.com.

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