Mobile Magnified

Bears and gorillas in LoDa; More WPMI e-mail terrorism

For some reason I have that song, “You picked a fine time to leave me Lucille” stuck in my head. I have for days. I’ve been singing it for so long, I’m trying to psychoanalyze their relationship. I can’t decide if she is hateful or smart for leaving him when the fields need plowing or whatever it is said fields needed. Maybe he’s just a jackass. I don’t know.

And then this got me to thinking it would be a fun game to try and figure out (especially for psych majors) what neuroses or condition each song is describing. Or just what’s going on in the relationship Try these – “Jesse’s Girl,” “I Can’t Make You Love Me If You Don’t,” “The Pretender,” “Rape Me,” or “Pour Some Sugar on Me.” It’s really kind of fun. Well, I think it is. But I could be weird.

Anyway, yes I have gossip for you, too. It’s all just fun and games here with the Boozester, isn’t it? Well, that’s what I strive for anyway.

So without further ado, here is a hodgepodge of the last few weeks’ “fun and games.”

BeerFest Fun

Not even Tropical Storm Fay could keep the most dedicated beer lovers away from the 11th Annual Dauphin Street International BeerFest, Saturday, Aug. 22, nor could it keep away our good friends from the ABC Board.

I swear, between the city and the ABC Board, I’m beginning to think I need to cut my hair in a bob and get a flapper dress. Good grief, why oh why is it getting so hard to drink in this town? Don’t worry, I’ve still managed to find ways, as you all have, I’m sure.

Anyway, first of all there was this major hubbub about what they were going to do about membership cards and if all the private clubs were going to have to make each of the hundreds of people expected at BeerFest fill one out, which obviously would create a huge cluster-expletive.

In the end, I heard they allowed you to just fill one yellow one out at the first private club you went to, but they wanted each bar to photocopy those or something like that. Crazy!

Then it was they weren’t going to let anyone take open containers on the street, even if it was in a plastic cup, which if you remember was one of the best things about BeerFest, the cool little plastic mug you got and being able to slowly sip in your brew as you strolled up and down the street.

The bartenders told us they were told they wouldn’t fine festival-goers for walking out with beer but they would fine the establishment, many of which used to set up lovely little outside stands that made everything flow nice and smoothly. Gone are those days.

Our spies told us they had some bars where they had bouncers making them shotgun their beers before they walked out the door, which also disturbed the flow, in more ways than one.

Despite the fun police’s best efforts, those who braved the elements had a great time.

And I know they are just doing their jobs, blah, blah, blah.

But if this is what BayFest and Mardi Gras portend, we all better be prepared for our good times to stop rolling or as least flowing.

Fruit Loop Scoop

My Fruit Loop spies said they celebrated Tropical Storm Fay at B-Bob’s, and it was quite the scene. But the weekend prior was Gulf Coast Leather Bear Weekend at the Bob’s, which as you can imagine was even more of a scene. If you “straights” really want to know what it is, google it. But even my gays think it’s kind of gross (well except for my muscle cub), so beware. Anyway, they did tell me one of our local winners is expected to compete at a state or regional Bear contest, which of course, should make us all very proud.

In other Fruit Loop news…

A few months ago, I told you everyone’s favorite “good girl” drag queen “Miss Loretta” was followed around by a Swedish TV crew who showcases America’s “most interesting people.”

The piece shows Miss Loretta, out of drag, working at her family’s used car business in Jackson, Alabama, and they also feature some other “good ol’ boys,” who apparently invented “anvil shooting.”

Even though it is in Swedish, you get the picture, quite literally. Check it out on youtube at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utcbgwjhhS4.

Taylor Dayne Maynia

One of my FL spies also reports that “two queens and their hag” have been going out with a framed picture of ‘80s pop star Taylor Dayne and speaking of Taylor as if she is a personal friend of theirs. We find this stranger than Miss Loretta being a used car salesman/woman.

Monkeying Around

Apparently, a yard full of flamingos or crows is not embarrassing enough for 40th or 50th birthdays anymore. A few weeks ago, a lady was celebrating one of her Big “0” birthdays at Café 219 when a man dressed in a large gorilla suit came in to make her day, um, special. He eventually took his “monkey suit” off and was soaking wet with sweat, which is no surprise considering it’s August in Mobile. Let’s just hope he didn’t drip on her cake.

A cautionary tale for husbands everywhere

We hear an angry wife clad only in her pajamas had to come pick her wyaward husband up at the bar at Fletcher’s BBQ last week. We were told she called up to the bar first and her hubby said he would be home in two seconds. Forty-five minutes later when he had not made it, she was standing in the doorway of the bar in “a T-shirt and boxer shorts.” Her husband turned around from his bar stool and saw her. She just squinted her eyes and motioned for him to come with her. He immediately jumped up and left the bar in “two seconds.”

Crime and Punishment

We were pleased to hear two of the three people charged with the brutal attack on Carson Kennedy (one of our favorite local film makers-including the brilliant Nappie Awards intro-and Bike Shop bartenders) were found guilty of assault last week. The third miscreant is on the lam.

The crazy threesome just went nuts on him when he caught them huffing something at the Bike Shop and asked him to stop. Kennedy was severely injured in the attack.

At press time, the two had not been sentenced, but we hope their future cellmates are anxiously awaiting the arrival of their new “roommates.” Hopefully, the third will join them soon and for longer.

WPMI e-mail terrorism . . . again

We hear after the recent firings at WPMI (see “Media Frenzy,” page 41) that someone changed all of the employees’ e-mail passwords and mysteriously sabotaged the Web site. Read the article. Draw your own conclusions. Ain’t love grand!

Well. My friends, that’s all I got for this issue. Just remember, whether it’s rain or shine dramatic or scandalous, or just some plain ol’ Miss Loretta lovin’, I will be there. Ciao.

Boozie Beer Nues is Lagniappe social butterfly. Contact her at boozie@lagniappemobile.com.

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