By Rob Holbert Managing Editor

Will Hermie ever get his?

Maybe it’s all the talk about the Economic Bailout, the stress of trying to figure out the presidential race or just the fact that I spent all weekend going from Waffle House to Waffle House in hopes of getting to join Kid Rock’s posse, but my powers of concentration aren’t up to ranting about one particular thing for 1,000 words right now.

In other words my mind is scattered, smothered, covered and chunked (that’s a Waffle House reference for you non-drinkers). So here’s a hodgepodge:

BayFest brilliance

Mobile’s annual music festival, BayFest, just keeps getting bigger and better each year. Bobby Bostwick and the other members of the team who put this bash together every October deserve a gargantuan round of applause for continuing to raise the bar year after year.

Granted, this year’s success was greatly aided by weather straight from Heaven, but there’s still a lot organizers got right. One of them was booking Kid Rock as Saturday’s headliner.

A BayFest official told me that last year’s record for walkup ticket sales for the entire three-day event was bested by this year’s Saturday walkup sales. Judging from the crowd there to see Mr. Rock, I’d say his drawing power was huge. Calcutta seldom even sees crowds that thick. It was also lots of fun to watch the interpreter for the hearing impaired sign some of Kid Rock’s more salty lyrics. We all now know ways to talk nasty to the hearing impaired.

One of the unintended bonuses afforded by Rock’s presence was the rather massive increase in the “Skank Factor” at the festival’s second day. The sheer number of younger women offering a viewing of their “attributes,” as well as older “re-boobed” gals trying to keep pace, was jaw-dropping. The dudes didn’t disappoint either, as there was plenty of shirtlessness and tattoo baring, not to mention at least a couple of guys showing off injuries I’m sure could only be explained by careless use of fireworks.

It was thrilling for people-watchers of both sexes.

Although official numbers aren’t available yet as I write this, organizers were tossing around 200,000 as their best guess at the crowd this year. That’s pretty amazing.

One of the great things about BayFest is since it takes place over such a large area, it doesn’t feel too crowded. That’s the kind of thing that can ruin a music festival. Try going to Jazzfest if you don’t believe me. BayFest still has lots of room to grow and the organizers have shown Midas’ Touch for booking the right acts to bring in the crowds.

My only suggestion – which I know would require changes in Health Department rules – would be to find a way to have some of our local restaurants down there providing some better food. Otherwise, it’s just about perfect, skanks, M-80 injuries and all.

ABC Shenanigans

One of the few downers during BayFest was watching the Alabama Beverage Control Board -ABC – goons milling around hassling people. As I sat in the VIP/Parking Garage (Motto: “Our Ps aren’t very I”), which was a pretty mellow place full of people trying grab a bite and a beer, a few ABC agents stalked in and started leering around the place like they were looking for an escaped convict.

They looked so eager for confrontation – packing their guns and handcuffs and wearing bulletproof vests. I know these guys are technically state police, but really, do they need guns? How often does carding a 20-year-old drinking a Bud Light turn into a shootout?

I understand they have a job to do, but most of them come off like they just enjoy hassling folks. At least that’s what it seems like to me. When you can’t sit in a parking garage and drink beer without “the man” eyeballing you, something’s amiss.

Justice delayed?

On a completely different subject, is anything ever going to happen regarding former Circuit Judge Herman Thomas and the allegations he used to spank inmates in a little office in the courthouse?

It’s been about a year since Thomas resigned because of the allegations, and over a year-and-a-half since his alternative punishment penchant became public. Inmates have even alleged the judge would treat them favorably if they gave him sexual favors.

A year ago, District Attorney John Tyson said an investigation was underway. So what gives? Where are things now? I keep hearing something’s coming down legally concerning this case, but quite frankly I’m beginning to think there’s not a lot of interest in going after Spanky.

Thomas was always politically popular, and perhaps some of our elected officials aren’t too keen on pissing off his supporters. Or maybe it’s the usual foot-dragging you get when any member of the legal profession gets in trouble. You know lawyers and judges hate to take on their brethren. Getting a crooked lawyer disbarred is practically impossible. Imagine how tough it is to take a judge to the mat.

Regardless of what the issue is, it’s time for the legal establishment in this area to grow a pair and do what’s right. If Hermie was wrongfully accused, they owe it to him to clear his name. But if he was gettin’ jiggy with the inmates in his little secret office, the people who are paid to uphold the law need to get to upholding.

I’m sure most of us wouldn’t find justice so lead-footed should our penchant for spanking people against their will come to light. Some crusty old English chap once said, “Justice delayed is justice denied.”

The denial needs to end. It’s time they get Herman in the courtroom.

Annexation

Given that I’m writing this a day before the Mobile’s latest try at annexation goes to the voters, my efforts at trying to predict the outcome may be slightly off, or even amazingly wrong. But I’m guessing the vote isn’t going to go as well as the mayor would like.

I know Mayor Jones needs annexation for the long-term financial health of Mobile, and his reasons for wanting it are solid. But the way the city tackled this latest effort seemed ham-handed at best. One of the biggest reasons the city has run into so much opposition from other area elected officials is they apparently weren’t consulted before the annexation was proposed. Maybe the annexation will work and Jones’ lack of consultation with his fellow elected officials will be moot. But if a good bit of it fails, he might try some consensus-building next time.

Rob Holbert is Lagniappe managing editor. Contact him at rholbert@lagniappemobile.com.

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