By Ashley Toland Editor

Annexation and classic football funding has Sam nervous

In the wee hours of the morning on the eve the annexation election, Mobile was startled out of a deep sleep by Mayor Sam Jones who was tossing and turning all over their mayor-sized bed on the 10th floor of Government Plaza….

Mobile: Ouch, you just kicked me, Sam. What’s wrong with you?

Sam: I’m sorry, sweetie. I’ve just got a lot on my mind.

Mobile: (sigh) Do you want to talk about it, sugar?

Sam: Well, I really need all of those areas to vote to come into the city tomorrow, and I’m just a little nervous about this one.

Mobile: You’re nervous? How do you think I feel? If they vote to come in, I’m going to get even fatter.

Sam (playfully grabs and pinches the western side of Mobile’s body): No, baby, that’s just more to love.

Mobile: Whatever. And then I have to worry about taking care of all of them. I mean, do you think we are really ready to provide increased police and fire protection and streetlights and all of the stuff we have promised?

Sam: I think we can do it, sweetie. It might not be five seconds after they vote to come in the city, but I think eventually.

Mobile: What if only the little neighborhoods come in and we don’t get the area with the Wal-Mart? Will we still be able to do those things?

Sam: Shut up, woman. We aren’t even going to think like that.

Mobile: I know we need this, baby. I mean, if all of those areas start incorporating into their own municipalities, I will never be able to grow. I know it. I’m just worried I’m going to look like an idiot if we can’t deliver.

Sam: Oh, we’re going to deliver.

Mobile: But Stevie says…...

Sam: (interrupts): What the hell have you been doing talking to Nodine?

Mobile (nervously): Well, we just had a few drinks at the Garage. Just a few drinks, that’s all. It was nothing, really, Sam. He was playing that golf video game the whole time anyway. I mean, I was just out with Daphne and Fairhope. I just ran into him. That’s all.

Sam: Like I believe that.

Mobile: Ask Daphne. I swear. I can’t help that Nodine’s always at The Garage.

Sam: How could you do this to me, Mo? You told me things between you two had been over since he went to the county.

Mobile: Sweetie, you know he drove me crazy when he was on my council, with all that “shrink government” this and that. I’m just telling you he’s out there telling everyone we’re not ready for this and that our police department can’t handle it, and we’re just throwing money away on football games and all other kinds of stuff. We are not doing that, are we?

Sam: That $#*^! He’s talking about the increase we are trying to give to the Gulf Coast Classic.

Mobile: Which one is that, baby? I get them confused.

Sam: It’s a game that’s been played here for over 30 years, and it always involves Alabama State and another historically black college. But to make it a true “classic” it has to be played by the two same teams every year, so with this increase we can have Alabama State and Southern University, which is in Baton Rouge, and the largest traveling school of all of the historicallyblack universities, play here for the next four years. And hopefully with these funds, it will grow it into something more. You know, the economic impact should be comparable to what we are putting into it, if not more.

Mobile: Kind of like we did on the GMAC Bowl. Well, that sounds fine. How much is the increase, baby?

Sam: From $40K to $450K

Mobile: Holy Sh*t, Sam! I guess I’m going to have to have drinks with Seemoon Chang next week.

Sam: Fine. Just don’t go to The Garage.

*The Mobile City Council is discussing and voting on the budget, including the additional funds for the Gulf Coast Classic, and the citizens of WeMo are voting on annexation as this is being printed. Of course, you will already know what happens by the time you read this. But make sure to sign up for our e-mail list at www.lagniappemobile.com for our Web coverage of the annexation vote. And make sure to read the next “Hidden Agenda,” to get all the details that really aren’t fit to print in any other publication. (Hey those are the best ones!)

Ashley Toland is Lagniappe editor. Contact her at ashleytoland@lagniappemobile.com.

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