By Sean Sullivan Lagniappe columnist

It’s tough always being right about everything

Sometimes I hate being right. Sometimes the should-be happy occasion of being right just doesn’t feel all that great. Of course when you are right as much as I am you get a lot of experience with the aftermath of your correctness.

Most of the time being right gives me a warm happy feeling like a cup of hot chocolate on a Christmas morning, or laying down for a leisurely nap with an arm full of puppies or watching Madonna go through a public divorce. But then there is a bad being right feeling – like when you know better than testing your wife’s pepper spray on yourself but you do it anyways only to be right about the outcome, but not happy you tried it. Or maybe when you are sure that the plate of General Tsao’s Chicken you’re eating has not been cooked thoroughly, but you go ahead and finish your dinner just to be ding, ding, ding right again with a bad case of food poisoning.

These are situations where you are right but there is no pleasure in the being rightness of it all. That is where I find myself now in the aftermath of last week’s onslaught of new government bailout requests.

To compound these feelings I am flat tuckered out after a big weekend of gun buying. Thank God I had my trusty government stimulus check stashed away so I had some extra jingle on hand to stock up on more pre-Obama administration guns and ammo. After that last sentence you may have an incorrect idea of who I am. I am not some fringe wacko; in fact I am actually a completely different kind of wacko, the kind who is building an armory to prepare for some future civil war war.

Speaking of those kinds of folks, I have seen very few people who seem to be looking forward to some great political upheaval and American Armageddon who could spend more that a few hours away from their air conditioned trucks and pounds of delicious Wal-Mart trail mix. No, I am not stocking up to fight, I am stocking up to sell!

I don’t cling to my guns nearly as much as I cling to my Capitalism. The forecast for tighter Federal gun regulations just gave my firearm stash an A++ rating from the financial advisor of Common Sense and Company.

Back to the me being right but not happy about it thing, in the last month the phrase industry bailout has taken the place of lobbyist sponsored junket as the most heard on Capitol Hill. When the first discussions of the Wall Street bailout plan hit the news I said to self this is a bad idea. I argued amongst my peer group, for all the good that does, as to why we the taxpayers should not be called on to bailout private enterprises that had made poor business decisions. Here were missmanaged companies that were about to receive a handout or “investment” from we the people.

By the way, only the Federal government could consider putting money into free falling enterprises with bad business models an “investment.” These companies were offering no management change or new plans to keep the same thing from happening again, but they were more than happy to take hundreds of billions in our money to buy themselves some time to restructure golden parachutes and take expensive vacations.

I cried foul about the initial deal and warned where it would lead to but a couple of my friends who I fancy as smarter than myself said this bailout has to happen for the sake of the country. They prophesized how weakness in the investment banks would lead to a run on the banks like it did in ‘29 and how the economy would tank and all would be lost. In deference to the fact no government official actually sought out my opinion, the proposed bailout was passed, but not before the loyal members of Congress packed the bill full of pork. I thought to myself this wouldn’t be the last we hear of bailouts, because the lid on Pandora’s box is a real bitch to close once you open it.

The self righteousness of my Oracle like foresight has been building for the last month as one new bailout plan after another was proposed but it reached a zenith last week when I about pulled my arm out of socket sadly patting myself on the back. The cause of my rightness end zone dance was the most ridiculous bailout yet proposed, a bailout for people who owe money on their credit cards.

Oh yes, the credit card bailout bill, which would not only have set fire to Rome but would have handed Nero the fiddle. Many people would have been less shocked to see Pamela Anderson dressed in a mink stole emcee the Buck Masters convention than hear that there were enough agreeable Congress-people to propose a bill to bailout consumer debt. I guess in the spirit of people looting items from a building slated for demolition, interested parties in today’s financial climate are just grabbing and pulling to see what they can take with them before it all comes down.

I wonder if the primaries of this bill considered someone who bought a big screen television or a home karaoke machine they couldn’t afford with their credit card a victim of the financial crisis? I wonder if they considered someone who had been financing beer, cigarettes and Slim Jims on a gas station credit card for the last 10 years a victim of shifting economic sands? Of course I knew this would happen way back when my smart friends were reassuring me that a “quick” $750 billion bank industry bailout plan was the shot in the arm the country needed to get back on track. Unfortunately for all of us, even me, and my obsession with being correct, this shot in the arm is composed of some sort of drug that everybody is going to want to partake of.

See what I mean, sometimes it sucks always being right. Of course I won’t worry too much as soon as the consumers get their credit cards bailed out I have lots of guns and ammo to sell them.

Sean Sullivan is Lagniappe lagniappe columnist. Contact him at ssullivan@lagniappemobile.com.

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