Mobile Magnified

Well, we’re almost done with Lent, and I couldn’t be happier because you kids have not been acting up like I’m used to, and I’m starving, just wasting away for something really juicy to sink my gossip-hungry teeth into. But here are the few things I’ve noticed around town nonetheless.

Black and Blues in OGD

Washington Square was transformed on April Fool’s Day for the annual Black and Blues party. Thematically attendees are supposed to wear black and blue, or some such thing. I saw a few men sporting tuxedo jackets and blue jeans, which was a bit disconcerting. Luckily a few glasses of Sauvignon Blanc eased the shock.

The event is a fundraiser for the Oakleigh Garden District Society, and is basically an opportunity to dine out under the stars. Somehow the event planners always manage to pick an absolutely stellar evening for the shindig, and this was no exception. The festivities are BYOB, with a delicious meal catered by Guido’s.

Apparently table decoration has become quite the rage at the Black and Blue, with some folks going positively overboard. Apparently the competition took off last year when one group actually paid someone to decorate their table! How gauche! This year, at least two groups made a serious run for the prize. Ron Barrett, known for his Mardi Gras designs, supplied his table with a Seusian tree made of blue lights. However, the group that won decided to toss the table and went with an Egyptian theme, sitting low on pillows and dining on a very low platform.

While it was creative, Boozie can only imagine the bugs jumping up from the grass! Yikes! The ladies at the table went the distance, painting their eyes like Cleopatra and sporting thick, black wigs.

On a personal note, my own favorite table design was “Sour Nipples,” a lovely centerpiece designed by the lovely Elizabeth Doyle of Roper Street, involving some unintentionally provocative-looking lemons. I think the judges were too blinded by shiny trees and Egyptians princesses to notice the raw sexuality of the real winner.

One of the highlights of the evening was getting to pee in Bay and Chris Haas’ guesthouse, which they graciously opened to the guzzling masses. While snooping around in there, I noticed Bay’s cream-colored Fender Stratocaster guitar, a songbook and amp. Apparently the airport chief likes to jam out from time to time. Who would’ve guessed?

“Touching it” in the OGD

The next night at Callaghan’s, also in the OGD, two young ladies were having a good ol’ time dancing to the bluegrass stylings of the fabulous Fat Man Squeeze, among a packed bar.

When the dancing got boring, one of the ladies decided to kick it up a notch. For some reason, she decided to target an innocent, local reporter, who was simply enjoying the music and sipping on a draft beer.

The well-endowed girl stood right over the poor journo and asked if he would like to touch her “boob.” The reporter politely refused, but the girl insisted, “touch it, come on, just touch it.”

He refused again, which got the attention of some of the other patrons in the bar, who began chanting “touch it, man, touch it.” The band even joined in, saying into the microphone, “Come on, touch it. I’ll touch it.”

When the news (but not boob) hound refused to capitulate to the demands of the mob-like crowd, the girl’s friend yelled, “what are you – gay?”

He responded, “No, I just don’t want to touch someone’s breast in a bar.” To which, lovely bartenderess Lori said, “I don’t blame you.”

Though some other folks got a squeeze, the gallant reporter escaped without one.

New Peanut Man?

Don’t look now, but it seems someone may have finally tried to fill the Peanut Man’s shoes at the Loop. Our spies spotted a Mobile Register, wait Press-Register, oh, whatever the name of the damn daily paper is, photographer out shooting this would-be Peanut Man last week.

Boozie noticed this gentleman a few days prior and wondered if he dared to move in on the hallowed ground once trod by the PM. But this elderly African-American gent was indeed selling peanuts right where Airport meets Government, so we may have a new street character in the making.

He can’t have the Peanut Man’s name, though, so we’d better come up with something for him. Check out www.lagniappemobile.com for our survey and vote on your favorite.

Gay Pride

The annual Mobile Gay Pride festivities took place downtown all last week, with one of the highlights being the parade that rolled through downtown last Saturday afternoon. Despite the ignorant cries of inbred-looking protestors holding up a variety of grammatically incorrect warnings of damnation, it was absolutely lovely.

The Order of Osiris and LA Body Art floats were probably the most elaborate, although some snatchy queens complained their floats weren’t fair because they were rented.

Speaking of queens, favorite local drag queens Ms. Cie and Venus were spotted in the parade, while Ms. Loretta watched.

Bernstein.com

If you long for the days of seeing former WPMI investigative reporter Josh Bernstein, now working for the NBC affiliate in Sacramento, Calif., shove microphones in the faces of public officials or hearing his litany of conspiracy theories, just visit the reporter’s myspace.com page. (www.myspace.com/jbreports)

While most people on myspace, use the social networking site to post pictures of themselves and friends, Josh posted the mug shots of former County Commissioner Freeman Jockisch, who is in jail for lying on tax forms. Jockisch credited Bernstein (much to his delight) with bringing him down. Under Jockisch’s mug shot, it reads “Former President of the Mobile County Commission. I caught this guy ripping off the taxpayers. He was Rigging Bids and Funneling Contracts to a company he owned. He was convicted on 19 counts of federal fraud. Now calling the Federal Penn his home! I love my job!!!”(Note that’s three exclamation points)

Also present are serial killer Jeremy Jones’ mug shots, which have been “tricked out” or something. They flash up in psychedelic colors. That’s nice, Josh.

And just in case, you want to watch any of these stories again, there are links to them on the page. Thank Goodness!

Who else but the Bern-stain would do this? Love him or hate him, you have to admit, local TV news has been a bit dull since he left.

Just asking….

Which local talking head just got a new a hair ‘do that includes some that isn’t all her own? Why are there copies of the yachting magazines “Power and Motor Yacht” and “Showboat International” in the waiting area of the Mobile County Commission offices? Are we paying them that well now or something? You know, it’s never a good idea to tempt commissioners in this town. I mean how many have gone to jail over the years? I’m just asking.

Well, that’s it for this time, y’all. I’ll be out at Zewtopia, so be sure to misbehave. And remember whether it’s rain or shine, scandalous or dramatic, or just some plain ol’ non-boob lovin’, I will be there. Ciao.

Boozie Beer Nues is Lagniappe social butterfly. Contact her at boozie@lagniappemobile.com.

Archives