Mobile Magnified

I’ve determined all of you have been just naughty enough to make it on my good list this year, and now you will be rewarded with a gift of gossip sure to fill you with Christmas cheer and remind all of you of the true reason for the season — parties full of enough drunkenness and scandal to carry us through the New Year.

You’re my Hero

My spies have been working double time this week making it to all the various Christmas parties around Mob-town, but rumors about a party for one restaurant’s employees and regulars have been more plentiful than all others. After the annual Heroes Christmas party last Tuesday night at Callaghan’s, it seems LoDa was abuzz with various rumors of debauchery at the fete. Among the various things making it back to my gossip-hungry ears were that the party was shut down by the cops, strippers were hired to really set the holiday mood, and I heard several accounts of employees passing out in various locations.

My sources inside the LoDa sports bar can confirm that the party was indeed a huge success with amazing food and music and that Callaghan’s was packed with partygoers. They tell me Mobile’s finest did, in fact, make an appearance late that night to ask the band to stop playing, because, of course, Callaghan’s is in a residential area, and it was a Tuesday night. As for the strippers, partiers say there was no paid entertainment, but that lots of the ladies in attendance love the nightlife and do like to boogie, so there was quite a bit of dirty dancing, but no removal of clothing.

My spies also say that although the rumors of employees passing out at the party may not be entirely correct, but there was at least one server who was nodding off in a booth at the Garage following the party.

Merry #@$ Christmas!

In other Christmas party news, I’ve heard another LoDa bar’s employee Christmas party Sunday night got rowdy in an entirely different way. Two of my brave spies who ventured out to the soiree say the testosterone level got a little out of hand and that a fight broke out, which ultimately ended their little holiday get-together.

Apparently fighting at holiday parties has become the norm because I’ve also heard that at a party for those who helped out with Hurricane Katrina recovery efforts, a melee broke out after someone thought another partygoer had stolen his wife’s purse. My sources say a huge fistfight ensued in the middle of the black-tie affair, and the cops had to be called.

Out of Register

A Midtown party that was not celebrating the Savior’s birthday but rather the departure of Mobile Register reporter Steve Myers (an equally monumental event) had quite the guest list. Of course, many of the Registerians were present, a couple of Lagniappers, WKRG reporter Steve “Meow” Alexander, popular area waitresses, bartenders and barflies, and most noticeably, City Attorney Larry Wettermark and Mayor Sam Jones, who at least one person called Sam Cochran, who, of course, is the chief of police.

The mayor seemed to have a good time at the party, and thankfully left before “the incident with the pants-less, male, blow-up doll,” the dining room dirty dancing and some girl-on-girl smooching (no tongue).

Myers, who is leaving to accept a fellowship at Ohio State University (see Media Frenzy, p. 29), has been voted “Favorite Register Reporter” by Lagniappe readers in our annual “Nappie Awards” for the past two years, which he attributes to his popularity among our “bar magazine” readers. So, you guys need to start thinking about who your favorite barfly/reporter will be next year.

Other than the tremendous hit to the local bar economy, the community is expected to fully recover in his absence.

Powerful porn

My phone was ringing off the hook last week with calls from WeMo residents who drove past the Alabama Power office at Hillcrest and Airport last Friday night and got some very special free entertainment. It seems one of the big screen TVs on display in the front of the store was showing a lovely little soft porn flick around 10 p.m.

Basically we’re talking Cinemax-style naked bodies, but no special naughty parts. Nonetheless, all the moms driving home from Christmas shopping weren’t exactly pleased with the free show. I’ve heard others just decided to take advantage of the entertainment opportunity and pulled their cars into the parking lot in front of the window and had their own little x-rated drive-in.

Someone told me one of the local news stations followed up on the whole thing and that Alabama power was investigating how the TV was set to that station. Although they admitted an employee could have changed the channel as a joke, I’ve also heard that the Alabama Power spokesman said that someone could have brought their remote control from home and changed the channel from outside the window.

You’ve got to give credit to someone who has enough time to realize his remote would work the display TVs at the power company and be creative enough to change the channel to porn. That’s one way to protest those high electricity bills.

Santa gauze

I had a very disturbing Santa-sighting last week at the Target in Bel Air Mall. So, there I am walking through the store minding my own business, when I spot a guy with a long white beard, white hair, rosy cheeks, the jelly belly, you know the whole thing, walking through the aisles of the store.

I was a little thrown off because he was wearing the de rigueur Santa hat, but had opted to forgo the standard Santa suit and instead had chosen jeans and a t-shirt to complete his ensemble. I guess since it was Friday and everyone needs a break from those stuffy work clothes, we’ll give him a break for not being in uniform. Anyway, I decided to ever so discreetly stalk Santa and find out what he was buying.

So, I’m following Santa around the store trying to not look like a crazy person following a guy who looks like Santa, and thinking that surely we will be heading for the toy department, when Santa takes a left and heads toward the pharmacy. Then to my utter dismay and embarrassment, St. Nick stops and spends about three minutes perusing the feminine care aisle and finally settles on a massive box of tampons and heads for the check-out. I guess Mrs. Claus is one lucky lady, and apparently much younger than we had thought.

That’s all for this week. Remember, whether it’s scandalous, dramatic or just some plain ol’ Santa stalking, I’ll be there. Ciao!

Boozie Beer Nues is Lagniappe social butterfly. Contact her at boozie@lagniappemobile.com.

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