Mobile Magnified

Boozie here. I’ve been incredibly lonely lately. So lonely, in fact, I have even taken to cruising the Internet in search of some lovin’. You would not believe all the local men on myspace.com who post pictures of their “manly” chests and their even “manlier” cars and motorcycles. I don’t find this cheesy at all. Noooo. OK, I do, which just makes me feel lonelier. So I stopped looking for love on the Web and started searching local blogs and such, and believe me I found way more eligible pieces of hot local gossip than I did men.

Go ahead. Make Roy’s day.

My first stop on my cyber-stalking journey, took me to www.mobilealonline.com, which is the Web site of Roy Pope, owner of Busaba’s Thai Cuisine on LoDa. Roy, who I think should be named Mobile’s next police chief has acted as many a downtown business owner’s knight in shining armor, by apprehending burglars and other ne’er do wells (usually at gunpoint).

A few weeks ago, the Subway at Dauphin and Conception was held up at gunpoint, well that is until our own rebel with a cause took over.

The following is Roy’s account of the evening on his site:

“Downtown Mobile is a relatively safe place to visit, day or night, but every now and then we get a little trash that blows in from elsewhere trying to stir things up in our quiet community. Only a couple of hours ago, one such piece of white trash decided he was going to stir things up at the Subway Sandwich shop at the corner of Dauphin and Conception. I heard the commotion coming from the Subway and looked in. The lady behind the counter was panicking and screaming in fear for her life as this piece of trash pointed a revolver at her and was demanding money.

“The man was approximately five feet tall wearing a sleeveless T-shirt, blue jeans and white sneakers. His hair (what little he had) was a reddish-brown color and his face looked as though it hadn’t been shaven in about three-or-four weeks. Both of his arms were covered in tattoos and his left hand bore what clearly appeared to be prison tats.

“Immediately, I drew my automatic pistol from my pocket and entered the building with a bead lined up on the man’s head. He turned to look, then quickly tossed his revolver onto a table. He turned to run, then realized that there was nowhere to run, so he turned back to me an quickly stated ‘there’s no bullets in the gun.’ With what could be described as a wicked grin, I replied back ‘Well, there’s nine rounds in my gun, and one’s pointed at your head right now.’ Then I demanded in a loud and firm voice, ‘get down on the floor before I shoot you.’

“He dropped to his knees and put his hands behind his head without hesitation, saying ‘Please don’t shoot me. I have children, mister. Please don’t kill me.’

”’Well,’ I replied to his pleas, ‘she’s probably got kids too’ (speaking of the little lady that he was trying to rob). Then I demanded that he lay on the floor and put his nose against the floor. ‘Put your nose on the floor!’ I demanded. ‘Don’t even look at me or I’ll think you’re going to try to attack me!’

“He did as he was instructed to do.

“I then told the Subway employee to call 911. Still hysterical, she did her best to request help, but she was making little sense so I took the phone and told the operator ‘I’m a business owner. I am holding a pistol on a man right now who was trying to rob the Subway. He had a gun. Send the police.’ She asked if anyone was hurt, and I replied that no one had been hurt.

“As we waited for the police, the lowly piece of trash started to raise up just a bit from the floor. It was enough to make me nervous.

”’You know Alabama just passed a new law that allows me to use deadly force – I can kill you – if I even think that you’re going to harm somebody, don’t you?’ I asked.

”’Yes, sir,’he replied.

“Then keep your nose pressed to the floor, or I’ll think you’re going to attack me and I’ll put a bullet right through the top of your head.

“His nose went back down to the smelly tiled floor, and it stayed there until the police arrived.

“What a rush! This is the fourth time I’ve responded to such problems at the Subway, and the second time that I’ve actually apprehended the would-be robber. Every time, it’s like the biggest rush a man could ever imagine (especially with this new law in effect). Here I am, rushing into a situation where the robber could actually turn his weapon on me and force me to shoot him (or get shot trying). I’ve got a loaded weapon pointed at the top of a man’s head and the only thing between him and death is the distance that I need to squeeze my trigger – and the patience that I exercise in not making that pull. Knowing that I could use deadly force against this person, if I need to, really sends a barrage of thoughts and questions through my mind.

“Once more, Downtown Mobile is a safe place to be. A dangerous menace to society is sitting behind bars for a felony with a gun, and while he will spend a huge chunk of his life rotting behind bars, we can all continue to enjoy life in comfort and a more relaxed sense of security.”

Wow. All I have to say to all you would-be LoDa robbers: Go ahead. Make Roy’s day.

The Commish: Cold War Veteran

From downtown hero to a Cold War veteran, my second find was a post by Steve “the Hammer/the Commish” Nodine, in 1999, when he apparently was searching for members of his high school class. Apparently, he used to skip class. Shame, shame, Commish! And it sounds like he would have had a good time at band camp, as he loved them as much as he apparently loves exclamation points!!! Rrrrroooww!

His post read as follows:

“Stephen Nodine here in Mobile, Alabama. I am looking for members of the class of 1981, can you help? I always loved our band, in 1979-81 we had the best! I also used the hallway behind the band room to skip out of class!!! That is not a good example :)... I graduated in 1981 then joined the US Army where I went to school and still serve as a consultant in the Nuclear, Biological and Chemical Field. After serving my country in West Germany and Central America during the Cold War, I started working as a governmental relations officer working with cities and counties throughout the state of Florida. I then worked for former Secretary of State Alexander Haig and then worked with the Bush-Quayle Campaign of 1988. In 1990 I help(sic) start Connors Nursery which help(sic) serve children abused and children with the AIDS virus. I moved to Alabama in 1992 and love it! I have not seen a NY or NJ license plate since I arrived here in Mobile! I am a lobbyist in the State Legislature of Alabama and Florida.”

Gotta love the Commish!

“Cotton candy vendor” frightens Junior Misses

Last Thursday, a group of the young, single Press-Register reporters headed out to Hank Aaron stadium to celebrate “Thirsty Thursday” and to watch America’s Junior Misses play ball – oh and the Baybears, too. One of the young reporting heart-throbs decided to try and “sweet talk” one of the lovely and talented misses by giving her some cotton candy. She politely accepted and thanked the mysterious cotton candy man. Feeling like a stud, he sauntered back to his friends with pride, briefly entertaining the idea of relocating to his miss’ state.

Sadly, the feeling of stud-ness dissipated suddenly the next day, as he read one of the girl’s diary entries and realized he may have been mistaken for someone far less glamorous than a dashing, young reporter.

It read as follows:

“The AJM coordinators rushed us to the Bay Bears game where the Northern states and the Southern states battled for the Junior Miss Bay Bears trophy. . . In the end, the North triumphed on the field, but I still maintain that the South won in the heart through our rendition of ‘We Will Rock You.’ Still hot and sweaty, we lobbed balls to the Bay Bears players to start the game and then sat down to enjoy our hotdog-and-hamburger dinner. After sitting to watch the rest of the game, we sweet-talked the cotton candy vendor into donating some of his sugary treat, attracting unwanted attention from him later. It was a great day that would eventually lead to a great night’s sleep.”

Awwww. Poor cotton candy man/ Register reporter.

Singles Auction

The American Cancer Society is gearing up for their 2nd Annual Singles Auction, which will be held some time in late August. And they are looking for Mobile and the Eastern Shore’s most eligible bachelors and bachelorettes, who are willing to put themselves up on the block. Last year’s event was a huge success, raising over $10,000, by auctioning off dates with the likes of former and current WPMI reporters Josh Bernstein and Leah Brennan, WKSJ’s Shelby Mitchell, WKRG’s Jennifer Mayerle and our very own Lagniappe editor, Ashley Toland, among other professional types.

So if you are a single, professional twenty-or-thirty-something or have a friend who is, please e-mail a picture and a little information about yourself (or him or her) to Amanda.Alvarez@Cancer.Org or call 251-414-1303.

Well that’s it for this issue folks. Just remember whether rain or shine, dramatic or scandalous or just some plain ol’ Junior Miss lovin’, I will be there. Ciao.

Boozie Beer Nues is Lagniappe social butterfly. Contact her at boozie@lagniappemobile.com.

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