Wine

My mom used to drop me off around the corner from the Majestic Theatre on Carlisle Street in Gettysburg, Penn. for the Friday night movies. The family car was a copper-colored Ford Granada, lovingly referred to as “Penny.”

As a junior-high schooler, I preferred to keep the ticket line and our crappy car as far apart as possible. I knew my social standing hinged upon impressing the slowly shuffling, ten-dollar-bill-clutching, jury of peers. Not that it mattered; ill-fitting hand-me-downs, home haircuts and plastic-soled Almost-Air-Jordans were grounds enough for conviction. At least I could wallow in a large Coke and popcorn, watch a movie, and play video games afterward at the local 7-11, while waiting for an equally unobtrusive pick-up in that depressing penny-colored automobile.

As a side note, dad bought a gallon of bright red house paint and applied it to Penny with a brush. He said, “The brush marks add character.” If you looked closely, you could see little tears of wiper fluid pooling on Penny’s windshield. Penny wasn’t the only one that cried that day.

Things are quite different now. I drive myself to the movies. I wear rubber-soled shoes. My hands don’t sweat when I hold Michelle’s hand. My self-confidence has recovered enough that I can actually sit and enjoy a movie (as opposed to sitting for two hours wondering if the person sitting next to me can smell my feet). In honor of all adults recuperating from the toil and anguish of pubescent movie anxiety syndrome, I present the following wine and movie pairings:

2000 A.S. Kiken Red Wine and “Nacho Libre”

This Bordeaux blend from Reverie hails from their Diamond Creek Vineyards. Superb balance, plentiful tannin and wonderful tension (good acidity) create a lively and enjoyable wine. What better wine to drink while watching Jack Black and Hector Jimenez receive ass kickings than A.S. Kiken!

Best way to smuggle into movie theater: plastic hip flask tucked into purple tights

Cost of Wine and the Movie: $38.00

Night Train Express and “16 Blocks”

E&J Gallo’s successful attempt at wine for the “down and out” market goes well with Bruce Willis’s lackluster attempt at a comeback movie. I can’t prove it, but I think this is what Detective Mosley (Bruce Willis) is drinking in the first scene. Neither E&J Gallo nor Bruce Willis will admit that they have anything to do with either the wine or the movie.

Best way to smuggle into movie theater: Good luck finding this movie in a movie theater.

Cost of Wine and the Movie: $6.84 (Matinee)

2002 Biale “Zappa” Proprietary Red and “Zoolander”

Robert Biale Vineyards makes a great Zinfandel, Petit Sirah, Syrah blend from Napa Valley. This zany wine offers up an in-your-face dose of bright, spicy berry and frames it with chocolate and tannin. With the comic blend of Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson and Will Ferrell, Zoolander needs a wine that isn’t scared to strut its stuff on the vinous runway.

Best way to smuggle into movie theatre: fill a zip-lock baggy and stuff it in your pants, of course.

Cost of Wine and the Movie: $39.00 (out on DVD)

Contact Matt Devan at wineguy@lagniappemobile.com.

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