By Ashley Toland Editor

After a week of contentious name-calling, insult-slinging and “integrity impugning,” between Councilmen Clinton “CJ” Johnson and Ben “Citizen” Brooks, I felt obliged to call in Oprah’s psychological guru/hack Dr. Phil to see if he could calm the turbulent city hall waters.

Dr Phil: Gentlemen, I was given some reports of your encounters over the last week, and I’ll have to say it looks like we’ve got our work cut out for us today.

CJ: You got that right, Dr. Phil. He’s probably about to tell you how to run this session, so get ready.

Brooks: I am not. However, Dr. Phil, and this is just for my own personal knowledge, I would like to know the process in which you will be psychoanalyzing us today – and again, this is just for my own knowledge. Will you be using Freudian? Jungian?

CJ: See what I mean, Dr Phil? It’s insufferable.

Dr. Phil: Well this does bring us to last Tuesday’s council meeting, where things got heated over this very issue. You guys were fighting over what – bonds or something? Will one of you give me a little background please?

Brooks: Well it all comes down to a fundamental difference in our philosophies on process. The city is about to issue nearly $65 million in bonds to pay for various capital improvement projects in all of our districts, well except for Connie’s. The city, in the past and in this case, negotiates with various banks to sell the bonds, and then they pick the one they feel offers the most competitive package. And the one chosen, along with their lawyers, stand to make a lot of money. This “negotiated sale” is what I have a problem with. Under state law, this service does not have to be bid out. And I think it should be.

CJ: Exactly. Under STATE law, it doesn’t have to be bid out.

Brooks: My colleague is right, Dr.Phil. He’s absolutely correct. Legally, it doesn’t, but I ask just because the law does not require us to, is it still right? Anytime there is a lot of money involved, there is just opportunity for politics to get in the way, and I think it is up to us as city legislators to try and make this process as pure as possible and try to make it as least political as possible.

Dr. Phil: Councilman Johnson, how does Councilman’s Brooks’ statements make you feel?

CJ: I said something like this at the meeting the other day, and I’ll say it again. Dr. Phil, I commend the process. No one can question the fairness of it. We have been working with our financial consultant, Louis Cardinal for years, who watches the market for us and gets us in at the best time so we can get the best rate, and we all trust Louis and our bond attorney Preston Bolt of Hand Arendall, who like I said Tuesday has a “reputable reputation,” and I am sick of Mr. Brooks questioning the veracity of these men. And like I said, I’m sick of the implications of wrongdoing. Mr. Brooks, show me e-mails, phone calls, letters you’ve received on this. You got something to prove, then put it on the table. You are trying to give the public the perception that there is wrongdoing going on here. You are saying there is public outcry about a problem that doesn’t exist.

Brooks: As I said to my esteemed colleague the other day, Dr. Phil. I am not questioning the veracity of Preston or Louis, but the process itself. A good process will survive good people. That’s why you have rules and process to govern. That’s all I’m trying to say. I’m obviously, in the minority, but I don’t shy away from my view that we should use a bid process or an independent commission of financial advisors.

CJ: But there is nothing wrong going on, Dr. Phil! You know when I was little I used to play with friends who were not real until I realized it was just my imagination, and that’s what all this is with Mr. Brooks. Just his imagination.

Dr. Phil: We’re probably going to need to schedule a separate session to discuss these imaginary friends, Councilman Johnson, so call my secretary. But turning back to you, Councilman Brooks. At the Tuesday meeting, Councilman Johnson yelled, “You are not perfect. You are not God. How dare you sit up here and judge?” Councilman Brooks, do you in fact think you’re God?

Brooks: Of course not, Dr. Phil. Do I think I’m right? Yes. Do I think I’m God? I’ve seen no research to prove that to be the case.

Dr. Phil: We’re almost out of time here but I briefly want to address what happened at the pre-council meeting on Tuesday. It seems you two were arguing once again over “process.” This time, it was the selection process of municipal judges. Councilman Johnson, you want to interview 33 applicants and then narrow them down to eight finalists on which you would perform extensive background checks. Councilman Brooks, you want to interview and perform extensive background checks on all 33? Don’t you think that’s a bit excessive?

Brooks: No, it’s thorough. And let me remind you as I was quoted saying the other day, “I’m not the one who’s trying to ramrod through a certain candidate.”

Dr. Phil: From what I’ve gathered from city hall insiders, you were referring to Councilman Fred Richardson, who from what I hear, wants part-time Judge Holmes Whiddon to be rehired. And those same folks say that shouldn’t be any big surprise to anyone. Fred loves Judge Whiddon. They say his little Fred eyes gleam every time he makes joke about how Judge Whiddon didn’t even go to recess as a boy because he don’t play.

Brooks: I told you so.

Dr. Phil: But other folks are saying you are just trying to delay this process, Councilman Brooks, because there is a candidate in the mix related to one of your big campaign supporters. And you don’t want to have to support him or her one way or the other until after your bid for state legislature is over. Any truth to that?

Brooks: That’s baloney, with a capital B.

Dr. Phil: Well gentleman, our time is up here. And I feel like we’ve really made no progress, kinda like most of your meetings. Hahahaha. Sorry, I like to make jokes to ease the tension. Anyway, both of you seemed to be obsessed with process, whether it’s the bond process or the municipal judge selection process. What I’m going to ask you to do before our next session is to work on a new process – the process of being good to each other – the process of loving each other.

Brooks: Oh that’s a great idea. I’ll come up with my very own process for that tonight.

CJ: Whatever. I’m going to go play with my imaginary friends.

Ashley Toland is Lagniappe editor. Contact her at ashleytoland@lagniappemobile.com.

Archives