Mobile Magnified

Halloween came and went and as expected the streets of Mobile were full of ghosts, goblins and tons of scantily clad women dressed as slutty versions of just about anything you could think of.

I was out and about to take in all the Halloweenie activities, not to mention all the Greater Gulf State fair gossip. There was so much going on I have a foot-long gossip dog for you. I hope you can handle it!

Creatures in The Swamp Room

Some of the 40-something social set had a surprise birthday costume party Friday, Oct. 27 in the Swamp Room under Felix’s Fish Camp on the Causeway. There were the usual French maids, naughty nurses and kitty cats along with two Azalea Trail Maids. The younger maid, it seems, was quite miffed that she was “copied.”

There were a few sticks-in-the-mud who did not go along with the program, as they dressed only in their jeans and button-downs, along with an “M& M.” (People: Unless you are five, don’t dress as food. Except I did hear someone downtown dressed as e Coli spinach. That’s funny.)

No slutty action took place at the gathering, except for one “S& M” man with a threesome in tow – a naughty French maid, a chick with just a button-down on and an another woman with an outfit that could not really be identified. They more than entertained the crowd and quite dirtily, with the French maid grinding into S&M’s front, while the button-down ground into his backside and the older woman squeezed his buns – the comment was not “get a room” but “why don’t you just strip and get into it on the dance floor.”

The hits of the party were a white rapper fitted with a diamond grill and plenty of ice, and an honoree’s wife who was mesmerizing in her sexy Playboy bunny costume.

Partying off the Pounds

Saturday night the 28th was the big costume night on LoDa, especially at Soul Kitchen, where there was a haunted house and a $500 costume contest.

As the judges made their way through the crowd picking finalists, Little Red Riding Hoods, muppets, suicide bombers and saints, along with Dorothy and her crew danced away to the sounds of ZoSo, which as you might have guessed is a Led Zeppelin tribute band. After faux Robert Plant and Jimmy Page finished their set, the judges announced the finalists.

Of course, there were the hot babes.

There was a Victoria’s Secret Angel dressed in nothing but her bra and panties, wings and heels, looking very much like the Angels on the commercials. She was hot, which prompted drool from the guys and catty remarks from the girls. But she had not actually make the finals; she just jumped up on stage and tried to make everyone think she had. The judges quickly asked her to get off the stage.

A naughty policewoman, who was chosen as a finalists did not find the Angel’s attempt humorous and commented on how slutty she looked. The officer, whose buns were barely covered, said this to two of the other finalists. They both looked her up and down in exasperation, at which point, she must have remembered how she was dressed and said, “well I know I’m bad, but I’m not that bad.”

Kid Rock and Pamela Anderson were the hottest couple. We hear Pamela’s “floatation devices” were authentic and quite capable of saving a very large man. Unfortunately (for the guys) no one required lifesaving techniques from Pam in Soul Kitchen, but the duo did win second place.

Also in the finals, a blood-splattered Jackie Kennedy in her pink assassination day suit, Muppets, a giant purple pirate, the “Wizard of Oz” crew and a cute yet freaky garden gnome, who I think came in third.

But the winner of the $500 prize was everyone’s favorite exercise guru, Richard Simmons. He pranced around all night in ridiculously short little shorts and a bedazzled tank top screaming, “Party off those pounds people,” and “Buy my videos!”

It was quite the spectacle and to top his costume off (quite literally) his huge Richard ‘fro was ‘fro real, which makes Boozie think back to last Halloween when an authentically ‘froed Napoleon Dynamite took home the $500 prize they were offering at Red’s. Could this be the same nappy-headed Halloween costume bandit? Boozie thinks so!

Later that night, I heard the big purple pirate, the saintsational saint and Richard Simmons were seen dancing until the wee hours of the morning at Hayley’s.

Over on Conti Street, my “Fruit Loop” spy reported that the group of naughty, shirtless lifeguards who won the B-Bob’s grand prize last year, dressed as mailmen this year, or should I say “male men?” and took home one of the top prizes again. Va-va-va-voom!

“I think some straights won some of the other stuff,” Fruit Loop spy said. Great reporting, Fruit Loop spy! Lay off the Stoli next time you’re working!

And at the other $500 costume contest in town, a “tea kettle,” took home the dough at The Whiskey. No word if the kettle was called black by any pots or if it rode the mechanical bull after its big win. Or if anyone tipped it over and poured it out.

Halloween night in WeMo

WeMo was the place to be on Halloween Night, as Bojangles and Fabacher’s both hosted costume contests.

Bojangles had just about every “naughty” costume imaginable. I’m not kidding when I say there was a naughty everything.

All the authorities were well represented. There was a firewoman, policewoman, navy woman and border patrolwoman.

There was also a scandalous flight attendant, French maid and referee and then an array of cartoon and literary characters including, Alice in Wonderland, Little Bo Peep, Little Miss Muffett and Strawberry Shortcake. All in very, very little fabric.

However, the best female costume did not go to a naughty girl but rather a cheap one. The clever winner dressed as a box of Franzia. It was so cute. She painted the box to look exactly like the favorite drink among classy, doublewide trailer women. Go cheap box of wine! Show those slutty girls who is more intoxicating!

The award for best male costume went to an old man dressed as a wizard, who for the majority of the evening was passed out by the pool tables. Richard Simmons kept dancing and rubbing his ass all up in his face.

Yes, Richard was once again in attendance, along with a leprechaun and the same blood-splattered Jackie from Soul Kitchen. Unfortunately for all, it was also Karaoke night and Richard decided to make everyone “sweat to the oldies,” by prancing around on stage and singing about the worst rendition of “Shout” I have ever heard.

When it came time to crown an overall winner of the $200 contest, Richard Simmons prevailed again, although border patrolwoman and a guy dressed as a keg gave him a run for his money.

I had the opportunity to ask Richard what his Halloween costume-winning secret was besides his hair, he said, ” you can, if you decide to totally humiliate yourself, beat out the slutty girls in costume contests.”

A little further west, Fabacher’s hosted a contest as well, with many of the same Bojangles crowd in attendance. Though my spies could not remember who won, they said there was a guy dressed as Steve Irwin with a stingray barb sticking out of his heart. Tragedy + Time = Comedy. But I guess time is so relative.

Craig Morgan a real star

Some of my Clear Channel radio spies let us in on this heartwarming story.

It seems a few weeks before the fair, 95KSJ morning deejay’s Dan and Shelby got a letter at the station requesting country music star Craig Morgan’s autograph, who was playing at the fair Saturday, Oct. 28. They get these all the time, but this was a very special situation.

Apparently, the aunt of a young man named Jody wrote it. She explained that two years ago, Jody was playing in a little league tournament and someone found him passed out in the bathroom, no one knew what happened.

They had to call the emergency helicopter (for Mississippi Gulf coast area), and he had to be revived 3 times to keep him alive on the way to the hospital. He fell into a coma.

His family of course was devastated and for weeks, they tried everything to get him to wake up from reading to him to showing his favorite TV shows, etc.

Then they decided to play the Craig Morgan CD (his favorite) and during “Almost Home” (one of Craig’s big # 1 hits), the boy woke up. Apparently he was a huge Craig fan.

Now, almost two years later, Jody still can’t walk and can only say few words and phrases, but is in much better shape than he was and still improving. They still don’t know what happened to him. He is still a huge Craig Morgan fan, so the station got him and his family backstage.

When we gave Craig the letter, he was moved to tears and called his wife in Nashville immediately and read it to her over the phone. He then gave it to his manager and gathered his band and made them listen as the manager read it to them. There wasn’t a dry eye backstage. Morgan is a family guy with 4 children of his own, so it was easy for him to relate.

He presented Jody with an autographed guitar of his own at the show. Craig told the KSJ crew later that when he was performing the song he was thankful he had on sunglasses so he could close his eyes because if he looked at Jody he wouldn’t have been able to make it through the song.

What a nice guy! Hopefully Jody will pull out of this soon.

Holy Moly!

Speaking of the fair, we hear after country star Steve Holy played the Budweiser grandstand, he stayed and signed hundreds of autographs until no one was left in line. I guess that made him very thirsty so he went partying with some local Mobile firefighters and after a few games of pool at Bumpers, they headed downtown late on Sunday night, to Veet’s.

Anyway, Steve and the gang were celebrating life and his #1 song “Brand New Girlfriend,” and proceeded to have several shots which led to dancing on the bar…which led to his buddies really ragging on his stylish pointy-toed cowboy boots, which sounded pretty funky.

My spy said, “Steve is actually a very smart, witty, nice guy and apparently became funnier as the night rolled on, doing impressions, being goofy, unbuttoning his shirt, you know how we all do when we get drunk!”

I hear ya Holy! I always flash something when I’m drunk.

Anyway, apparently very later, he tried to get up on stage to sing and well, according to the spy that’s when they knew it was time to take Steve back to his bus. I hear it was really a good time, with not too much obnoxious behavior going on, just boys being boys.

Disturbing Local TV News Story of the Week

At press time, there was a chimpanzee allegedly running around Santa Rosa County, Fla. While this is quite disturbing, as chimps can be dangerous, nothing could be more frightening than hearing Bob Grip describing how chimps will grab a man’s testicles, which really just proves Bob really does put the “Grip” in Bob Grip.

Well that’s enough. Just remember whether it’s rain or shine, dramatic or scandalous or just some plain ol’ testicle lovin’, I will be there, Ciao.

Boozie Beer Nues is Lagniappe social butterfly. Contact her at boozie@lagniappemobile.com.

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