Cover Story

Lagniappe staff

Sure, the holidays can be maddening. The pressure to find that perfect gift, decorating, traffic and Wal-Mart are among the things that can combine to drive you over the edge. Not to mention the fear of having to drink eggnog.

Fear not, though, gentle reader. Santa’s helpers at Lagniappe have put together a holiday survival guide that should at least keep you from running over the neighbors’ inflatable yard snow globes before the big day arrives. Here are some helpful (we hope) suggestions for making sure you don’t end up as the main character in a made-for-TV movie called “The Christmas Massacre.”

Really last minute

OK, it happens every year, the phone rings and it’s Mitzi telling you she, Biff and the twins are swinging by to drop off “your Christmas presents.” These folks wouldn’t have made your list even if you crossed off all your in-laws, but apparently you made theirs. You quickly think about wrapping up your DVD player to give to them, but you have no idea where the box is. A dash to the mall is out of the question – not enough time. What do you do?

Believe it or not, if you live near a decent drug store, all is not lost. In 15 minutes, you could actually be back with something that’s doesn’t look like a complete afterthought.

A recent visit to the Walgreen’s at Government and Michigan Streets found a cornucopia of acquaintance-worthy gifts that could save the day. Cruising the aisles, we found items such as a hands-free can opener (OK, a bit lame), a black & white TV, CD players, MP3 players (the twins would love them!) and even a deep fryer.

Store manager Ryan Herrington pointed us in the direction of a few other gifts that might be less likely to bring that “did-you-get-this-at-a-drug-store” look. Herrington says items such as bathrobes and massage chairs are big sellers this time of year. He added that it isn’t at all unusual to see people last minute shopping at Walgreen’s.

“We have the widest selection of items I’ve ever seen at one of our stores,” he said. “Last year we were selling lots of gifts on Christmas Eve. It was one of our busiest days.”

Herrington also pointed out a couple of truly unique gifts – the Colossal Calculator and Colossal Remote Control. Both are fully functional and are over a foot long and cost just $9.99. And who wouldn’t love a giant remote control.

But if you’re really pressed for time, a decent bottle of Blackstone merlot can be had at the Griffith Shell at Ann and Government Streets. Slap a bow on that gas station wine, and you’re home-free, baby!

Making old new again

But sometimes, even a last-minute dash can’t save you. Then you must rely upon the unthinkable. Re-gifting. We’ve all done it. Whether you needed something in a crunch for your great aunt who stopped by unexpectedly or you really just didn’t need yet another set of Bath & Body Works products in a fragrance that makes you sick, we’ve all re-wrapped stuff and passed it along to an unsuspecting (we hope) friend or co-worker. An episode of “Seinfeld” focused on this practice but they really never discussed if there was anything wrong with it? So is there?

Sandra Smith, co-owner of the upscale Airport Boulevard gift shop, etc., says she feels like it’s “unacceptable.” And she’s busted a few re-gifters, or at least a few “re-gift-wrappers” in her time.

“We are kind of known for our special wrapping, and we’ve had people come in here and buy something for themselves and then take our box and bow and put something from Stein-Mart or somewhere else in it and give it to someone. Then the people will try to come in and return it, and we’re like ‘no, that didn’t come from here. Sorry.’”

Peter Darr, owner of the eclectic downtown gift shop Areas disagrees, as long as the gift is new and you’re smart about it, not letting the person know it is a re-gift.

“This is coming from someone in retail, who would love to sell you something. But I don’t think it (re-gifting) is ever wrong as long as the gift can be used and is appreciated by someone else.”

These rules seem to apply to personal gifts, but do they also apply to Dirty Santa gatherings?

“I would never re-gift to a friend or family member, but during Dirty Santa, bring it on,” says WeMo’s Amber Wielkens, whose annual holiday party always includes a round of Dirty Santa.

“In fact, I always look forward to one of my friend’s Dirty Santa gifts because she always brings stuff that her co-workers gave her that was really nice, but just not her taste. But I or someone else at the party always really likes whatever it is, so I think Dirty Santa is an excellent and perfectly acceptable forum for re-gifting.”

So there it is, it’s probably OK – if you don’t get busted.

Surviving the family

One of the biggest holiday stresses is contending with those annoying people who, by blood or social contract, are related to you. Every year we read stories about someone who goes berserk Christmas night and loads the entire extended family into a wood chipper, but it doesn’t need to happen that way.

This is probably because the natural inclination when dealing with irritating relatives is to self medicate. But we don’t usually make the best decisions when Johnny Wallker’s calling the shots. So is there a better way to tolerate Aunt Jenny’s political discussions?

John Conrad, a coordinator at Bayview Professional Associates, says it is indeed true that the holidays heighten the potential for conflict with loved ones or not-so-loved ones.

“Whatever dysfunction you’re dealing with throughout the year, it’s worse during the holidays,” Conrad said. “Christmas is a magical time and we expect magical things to happen. Sometimes it happens, but most of the time it doesn’t.”

Conrad says having realistic expectations of yourself and your relatives is key to reducing the need for wood chippers and good places to hide bodies.

“Perfection isn’t realistic,” he said. “Take time with the family, but also take time for yourself.”

Party disfavors

As if the holidays aren’t pressure-packed enough, there are also plenty of parties that provide opportunities to alienate friends and possibly ruin careers. There’s something about the Christmas party that brings out the worst in many of us. Perhaps it’s a year’s worth of pent-up frustration, or just a chance to let your hair down. Letting the boss see you sing “Baby Got Back” on the karaoke machine or trying to manouver Earl from accounting under the mistletoe may cause lasting damage.

As the owner of Heroes Sports Bar & Grille and the new upscale Royal Scam, David Rasp has hosted many a holiday party and can attest to their penchant for being a bit too cheerful. Often, he says, he’ll receive calls after a party from someone offering to pay for things that were damaged. That can be handled with a credit card, but damaged reputations aren’t quite that easily fixed.

“I think part of the problem is there are a lot of amateurs who are going to party hard, even though they don’t all year. The day-in-day-out drunk is not usually a problem,” Rasp explained. “And the other thing is people often tend to drink products they wouldn’t normally because the boss is paying for it.”

Rasp’s suggestion is sticking with what you know, or you could be paying for it later.

Braving the malls

From the Springhill socialites to the rougher and tougher citizens of Hillsdale, everyone who’s anyone in Mobile feels the need do a good bit of their holiday shopping at Colonial Bel Air Mall or Springdale Mall. Where else can you find a gift for your mother-in-law, coworker, and hillbilly cousin under one roof or in one parking lot?

As much as you know you’re going to hate the traffic, inevitably the need will arise for a holiday trip to the mall zone. To make this nightmare a bit less hellish, Officer Eric Gallichant of the Mobile Police Department explains the details of mall traffic.

“One thing people going to the mall need to remember is that there is a portion of Bel Air Boulevard that is closed off because the bridge is under repair at this time, so we advise that they take an alternate route to get to the mall.

“It is set up in the (Bel Air) mall parking lot, though, that you can actually go right up to where the construction’s going on, and they have a loop that goes through the parking lot and out the other side so people aren’t extremely inconvenienced. But that will cause traffic delays especially during this time of year,” he says.

Neither rain, snow, sleet, hail nor construction will keep true holiday shoppers from the mall, but to hit Colonial Bel Air, try a back entrance through Cottage Hill Road or a head-on approach through Airport Boulevard in lieu of the slow moving construction traffic on the east side of the mall.

If you’re headed to Springdale, you can usually get there a bit more easily by approaching it from Dauphin Street. And remember, think soothing thoughts when you’re in the traffic.

Fir frenzied

Steve Mannhard has been growing Christmas trees for 25 years. But the owner of Fish River Trees Christmas Tree Farm reminds that unlike Santa Claus’ job, his is “a year round thing.” Situated five miles east of Fairhope, off County Road 9, the farm is open 8-5 daily through Dec. 23.

There are four main parts to the farm to satisfy everyone’s individual tree craving:

Part One: Cut your own

For the Clark W. Griswolds out there who dream of leading the family through a forest to chop down your own tree, Mannhard has a variety of Virginia pines, Leyland cypresses, Carolina Sapphires, Eastern red cedars and blue cedars awaiting your holiday lumberjack skills. He provides the equipment to cut the trees down, so leave the chainsaw at home, Sparky. Steve will make sure there are no rabid squirrels or other woodland creatures hiding out when he prepares and nets it up for you to take home.

Part Two: Pre-cut shipped trees

No cutting required here. Just pick out your favorite Frasier fir, Colorado Blue or Blackhill spruce.

Part Three: Container-grown living trees

Start a new holiday tradition by choosing a container-grown tree. These trees (Leyland cypresses, Carolina Sapphires, Eastern red and blue cedars) stay in their containers inside through the holiday season. Come Dec. 26 (or Jan. 15), simply dig a hole in the backyard and transplant the tree. You can look out years later and say, “there’s our tree from ‘06. That was the year Janie got her first bicycle or Uncle Earl got his 7th DUI. Ahhhh memories.”

Part Four: Wreath and Garland Center

For those of you who want some greenery, but don’t want to commit to a tree, pick up some fresh garland or a wreath. They are made fresh daily out of all the different kinds of trees.

There is also entertainment for the family, with a free train ride to tour the farm and Santa makes a special stop on the weekends from 1-4 p.m.

Santa with no waiting

Taking the tykes to see Jolly Old St. Nick can turn into a flat-out nightmare if the line to see Santa looks like something normally reserved for the Department of Motor Vehicles. But, if you’re smart, you can get Junior on and off Santa’s lap before he can say “Rudolph.”

Gaye Butler, marketing director with Colonial Mall Bel Air, says most people seem to wait until the evenings to see Santa. But, St. Nick is around all day this time of year, and if you hit him in the morning hours, you’ve got a great chance of not having to wait, she says.

“I would come first thing. Typically, if you come at 9 or 10, there is no line,” Butler said. “I would be the early bird.”

She said Santa is seeing the naughty and nice alike from 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. Monday through Thursday, from 10 a.m. to 9 p.m. on Fridays, 9 a.m. to 9 p.m. on Saturdays and from 11 a.m. to 6 p.m. on Sunday. And on the week before Christmas, he’ll be there from 9 to 9.

Rob Holbert, Ashley Toland and Amanda Hardy contributed to this story. E-mail photos from your Christmas party to editor@lagniappemobile.com

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