Mobile Magnified

Well, kids, there has been scoop aplenty lately. Between all of the bowl game gossip, home invasions and iron woodland creatures with addictions to narcotics, my hand hurts from all the scribblin’ I’ve had to do. So please enjoy the latest installment of all the Nues that’s not really fit to print.

Bowl of Bitterness

Every year, GMAC throws a super swank Mardi Gras party immediately following the parade downtown at the Exploreum. And it is slung up. We’re talking West Indies salad by the bowl, raw oysters, the whole nine yards, so obviously it’s not easy to get an invitation, and those who do are sent a purple wristband to wear to gain entrance.

According to our spywitnesses inside the fete, Mobile County Commission President Juan Chastang (who may not be a commissioner for much longer) showed up with an entourage of about six-to-seven people, saying he forgot his wristbands. The GMAC representative manning the door, who is from Detroit (where GMAC is headquartered) had no idea who the diminutive commissioner was and denied him and his entourage entrance.

Our sources say this caused Chastang to make a huge scene, arguing he was ‘the (expletive) president of the (expletive) county commission, and he would (expletive) come in.”

Local members of the MPD were there to aid with security, and they are not fans of the commissioner. The commish is a former cop who left under shady circumstances, including charges involving alleged bribery. So instead of stepping in to intervene on his behalf, our spy says the boys in blue simply shrugged their shoulders and said “sorry, they say you can’t come in unless you have a wristband.”

So the commissioner and entourage were turned away into the darkness of the night, as fireworks went off in the background over the Mobile River. Poor commish. Better luck next year, assuming you’ll still be there.

And now for the rest of the story

I’m sure most of you saw the media reports of the horrible home invasion, which took place on the corner of Brown and Espejo Saturday, Jan. 6. A group of friends were working on Mardi Gras costumes and socializing around 11 p.m. They left their back door open to let their dogs run in and out and enjoy some fresh air, when a masked gunman came in and appeared in the kitchen. He grabbed and held a 45mm to the head of one of Boozie’s all-time favorite spies while ordering the others to hand over the cash in their wallets.

The gunman shot a round to show them he was serious. The bullet is still lodged in the wall of their living room today. During the commotion, he threatened to shoot their cocker spaniel Dakota, who was barking like crazy, but thankfully he didn’t as the owners of the house (also some of Boozie’s fave people) begged for the canine’s mercy. Dakota, by the way, is a Katrina dog adopted by the owners of the house. And they say cats have nine lives.

Anyway, also it pains me to have to clear up some misreporting by some of the other media outlets in this town, who reported it was five men who were held up. It was actually four men and a woman. (Isn’t it sad when you have to get your true scoop from a gossip column?) But anyway, the lovely lady was out on a blind first date with one of the men, who the owners of the house had set up.

They went and dined at Bilotti’s and then stopped by to chat with the gang and ended up watching the “Devil Wears Prada.” In the middle of the flick, the Devil showed up, but he was definitely not wearing Prada, but rather soaking wet dark clothes and a ski mask. Anyway after the robbery, he forced them all into a bedroom and fled. All this I so crazy and scary but what an amazing first date story for the couple to tell! Those two should get married. We’ll keep you updated on how that progresses.

Iron Deer’s battle with ‘Caine

Last year the Oakleigh Iron Deer, who resides in Washington Square, faced some problems. At first we noticed, the statue was apparently practicing safe sex as a condom was affixed to his iron “member.” But apparently, the condoms came too late because a few months later, his “member” turned pink.

After getting a makeover, the troubled statue went downtown to the Museum of Mobile to be part of an exhibit. Now, I’m sad to report he apparently picked up a nasty, little habit while he was residing in LoDa. His nose has been covered in white powder every day since he returned to Washington Square. No word on if Mobile Historic Preservation Society will pay for his trip to Betty Ford. We will keep you updated.

The World’s Biggest Senior Bowl Party

There is nothing that makes the Boozester happier than tailgating and tent hopping at the Senior Bowl, and this year will be no exception. The game and the festivities on Jan. 27 at Ladd Stadium come in a close second to Joe Cain Day in funness, not to mention watching all the NFL coaches and staff getting all drunked up all week on Dauphin Street. It’s absolute bliss for a booze/gossip hound like me. Make sure to send me any of your coach/player sightings to boozie@lagniappemobile.com.

Anyway, after a day full of drunken tailgating, Callaghan’s will host “The World’s Largest Senior Bowl Party,” a claim I’m certain is true, as it as grown over the years to be the place to go right after the game. Phil and Waylon of Dog River Boys fame will be playing, and the streets will be blocked off to contain the massive crowd. All the cool kids will be there, so make sure to stop by the OGD pub on your way home.

Dopplegangers?

Is it just me or does District Four Mobile City Council candidate sort of resemble former WPMI News Stallion Josh Bernstein?

Well, that’s all I got this time. Next issue will be full of Senior Bowl gossip, so get ready. And remember, rain or shine, dramatic or scandalous, or just some plain ol’ Iron Deer lovin’, I will be there. Ciao.

Boozie Beer Nues is Lagniappe social butterfly. Contact her at boozie@lagniappemobile.com.

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