I hate going out on Valentine’s Day. It rivals New Year’s Eve in length of wait for a table, prix-fixe menu gouging, and impossibly high expectations. Therefore, I’ll be staying home, attempting to devise something edible under our own roof, and putting my energy into selecting the right movie to set the mood.
It would be insensitive for me to imagine that everyone is attempting the same kind of Valentine’s Day as I am. People who aren’t feeling romantic need the proper movie distraction as much as those that are trying to get lucky. I’ve been trying to imagine as many potential scenarios as possible, and offer suggestions for all.
Looking for An Excuse to Break Up. I’ve known people, and they were all males, who try to stay single from Christmas through Valentine’s Day so that they don’t have to buy gifts. But perhaps these classy dudes inadvertently find themselves on the couch with a girlfriend come February 14th anyway. Pop in something creepy like Todd Solondz’ “Happiness,” and she will inevitably be turned off. The key is to act like you think Phillip Seymour Hoffman plays a really normal guy that you can relate to.
The director Neil LaBute specializes in films that make you feel bad about the human race, particularly in the department of mating habits. “In the Company of Men,” or “Your Friends and Neighbors” cannot fail to make you doubt the person next to you. Great conversation pieces if the conversation you want to start is “I never want to see you again!”
Single and Proud. Everybody always touts “Thelma and Louise” as the ultimate girl power flick, but let me recommend the comedy “9 to 5” as more uplifting and of course much funnier. Three women take on lame ex-husbands and the most offensively sexist boss imaginable to transform their lives for the better. Improving the workplace for their fellow women, hanging their boss from the ceiling, and indulging in delightful, stoned fantasies are just a few of their accomplishments, and nobody drives off a cliff. Just the theme, sung by star Dolly Parton, will make you feel good.
Single and Relieved. Did that relationship end just before you found yourself on the 10 o’ clock news, covering your face as you nattered about the insanity defense? Plenty of movies show the painful realities of love, and they will make you feel lucky to be alone.
If you’re not too drunk to read a movie, try “Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown.” Spanish master Pedro Almodovar create indelible scenes of feisty women scorned, most notably a two-timed gal setting fire to her lover’s bed. Also, it features an adorably youthful and innocent Antonio Banderas. This is light hearted enough that it won’t setoff a crying jag, but mean enough to satisfy.
“The Opposite of Sex” really fits into any of these categories, since it’s funny but moving and has plenty of good and bad relationships between gay people, straight people and everyone else. There is something for everyone. Christina Ricci captures enough of her famous Wednesday Adams gloom but infuses it with twisted sex appeal and almost naïve cruelty to create an unusual, memorable character. Certainly one of her best movies.
In the Mood. It’s conceivable that you will actually want to watch a romantic movie on Valentine’s Day. If you have TBS, I don’t need to waste space on the many interchangeable but serviceable romances starring loveable moppet Meg Ryan. It seems obvious, but there are actually people who haven’t seen “Casablanca.” This isn’t just one of the most romantic movies ever made; it’s one of the best of any kind. I can see any five minutes of this movie and begin to cry.
“Before Sunset,” Richard Linklater’s 2004 follow-up to 90’s romance classic “Before Sunrise” is incredibly romantic but also realistic. Clear-eyed and mature, this one shows that true love isn’t perfect, but that it is possible.
The sumptuous “Amelie” is supremely romantic but also a major work of visual art. Full of whimsy and goodwill, this is a love story that is much more. Anyone can aspire to Amelie’s joie de vivre, and the slowly building romance is absolutely exquisite. You cannot miss with this French fable.
Good luck!
Contact Asia Frey at afrey@lagniappemobile.com.
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