Wine

By Matt Devan

Wine Guy

The following is an email and answer column:

Dear Mr. DeVan,

We enjoy your column. It is becoming increasingly difficult, however, to understand all of the technical verbiage used in your writing, so we are requesting that you consider including a brief glossary with each column, for our edification.

Thank you very much. What is a “viognier sheen,” for instance?

Yours very truly,

Mom and Dad

M & D:

I’ve taken your letter into consideration; it would have meant more to me if delivered in the traditional manner (snail mail), but I’ll attempt to appease your request with a short list of words that I still don’t understand.

Your loving son,

Matt

Viognier Sheen – Martin Sheen’s bastard son. There is a good chance that we are related…unless mom has a good alibi.

Barnyard – Word used to describe a wine that smells like my room, if you can’t think of an actual smell.

Malolactic Fermentation – A mother’s worst nightmare; the nursing nipple rebels against the areola and causes the breast milk to carbonically macerate.

Riddle – What is white, green, brown, and hops? A frog sandwich.

Tannin – The yogurt left at the bottom of the container that a normal spoon can’t reach.

Meritage – The French word for the residue that newly married couples leave at the altar.

Suave Toast – I don’t know, but there is actually a tasting note in the Nov. 15 edition of Wine Spectator that uses that description! Maybe Melba’s uncle.

Remouge – A slow pulsating belly thrust used in monkey courtship

Bonarda -The grape that fell off the stupid tree and hit every branch

Cat Pee – a melodious odor that reminds us of humanity; see tithing.

Olfactory – an acronym coined by child labor protagonists.

Beeswing – A sediment found in old ports and soups made outdoors

Magnum – That time you grounded me for the condoms…

Question:

I’ve been on an organic diet since October and REALLY miss having a glass of wine with dinner. Do you know much about organic wines or if anyone in the area carries a decent organic wine?

Thanks,

Katie

Katie:

Local health food stores carry some of the best organic wines. Lolonis is probably the wine best known for being produced from organic grapes. I recently tasted through their lineup and you’ll find them to be good, not great, alternatives. I think you’d be surprised who is producing wines organically these days.

Robert Synskey makes wine with organically grown grapes. Some of the other better-known organic wineries are Frog’s Leap, Grgich Hills, Bonterra and Shafer vineyards.

Matt Devan is bragging about the Magnum thing. E-mail him at wineguy@lagniappemobile.com

Contact Matt Devan at wineguy@lagniappemobile.com.

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