By Rob Holbert Managing Editor

The following is a transcript of the commencement speech given at Mobile’s recent official graduation from a friendly ‘burg to a happening city:

Good morning Mobile. Today is a day many of us have been anticipating for a very long time – a day when we can hold our heads high around the other cities who are always blabbing about their new this and state-of-the-art that. As of today, we can proudly brag about your accomplishments, too. That’s not to say we haven’t been pretty proud of you before, but things are very different today.

Looking back, many of us probably weren’t so sure we’d ever live to see this day. It seems like not so many years ago you were a total slacker. Your downtown was lame, dangerous and mostly boarded up, your schools were horrific and you offered your citizens little in the way of employment opportunity outside the legal and medical professions. Frankly, we thought you were on drugs. We half expected you to come home with piercings and tattoos, dragging home some wild city like Tijuana for approval.

Slowly but surely, though, you started to get yourself on track. You did something about your infected downtown and took some pride in your education. Why, we haven’t heard you say, “I ain’t got none” in quite some time. You even straightened out some of your scandalous reputation, but kept that gleam of naughtiness we all love. Let’s face it, we all know you’re never going to be a saint – and we like it that way. Just the way you act at Mardi Gras alone is enough to keep you from being canonized. If we were looking for someone totally tame and bland, we’d hang out with Montgomery. Then again, we never wanted to see you turn into New Orleans, either.

That wild streak comes with a serious business side now, too. You know how to work hard and party hard, and that’s a good combination. Look at you – you’re bursting with a steel mill, booming maritime companies, a fancy new tower and hotel, a cruise ship and so much more. Sometimes these days you must look in the mirror and barely recognize yourself. Certainly to many of us you’re almost unrecognizable – in a good way.

But commencement isn’t about the past; it’s about the future. It’s truly amazing to contemplate where you might be in five, 10 or 20 years. I know you’re proud of your RSA Tower now and love to show it off, but imagine when it’s full of exciting businesses that make your downtown more vibrant. Remember, it’s nice to have a big building, but size isn’t everything. You’ve got to fill that bad boy with commerce.

And I know you’re beaming with pride over the recent announcement that ThyssenKrupp is going to build a $3.7 billion mill nearby. I don’t know how many of us would ever have imagined you’d have what it takes to win the biggest construction project in the United States for the next 10 years. We all knew you could speak French and Spanish, but German? Wow, what a surprise! What’ll we find out next, that you speak Japanese carmaker?

And let’s not forget you’re still working on getting your pilot’s license so you can build tanker jets for the Air Force. Wouldn’t you be the jack-of-all-trades if you could send thousands of your workers off each day to make steel and another bunch off to build airplanes and ships? A few years ago when nobody even wanted to look at your barren Brookley Field, that would have seemed impossible.

As if that wouldn’t all be enough, now it seems you’ve got a chance to turn one of your hobbies into a sideline business. You’ve always loved your NASCAR and now it looks like there will be a six-racetrack, $624 million motorsports and entertainment park just up the street in Prichard. That nice Dow fellow who used to come around is one of the top folks involved, along with Dale Earnhardt, Jr. Now I don’t know as much about car racing as you, Mobile, but this thing looks like some kind of Disney World meets Branson meets a 16-car pileup on the Bayway. When you’ve got country music and car crashes within walking distance of one another, how can you go wrong?

With all this newness swirling around your head Mobile, don’t forget to dance with the ones who brought you. Remember, it’s easy to become enamored of new buildings, fancy steel mills and fast cars, but all those rapidly growing businesses at your port deserve your love and respect, too. And while you’ll enjoy the feeling you get from all those condo-dwellers walking all over your downtown, keep the love in your heart for the brave bar and restaurant owners who dared to do business there when most folks would have wanted a round of penicillin before heading down there.

Yes Mobile, your day has come, but so too has more responsibility. With all your great gifts will come growing pains. There will be new traffic snarls and roads to be built. You will probably suffer through getting a big new bridge downtown. It will create lots of jobs too and will look awesome when it’s finished, but it’s going to be a pain in the rump during construction.

The days of a $130,000 house in Midtown may also soon be a distant memory. And there are going to be lots of strangers coming to see you. Treat them nicely, even if they don’t have the right last names to rule and didn’t go to your favorite high school.

One more word of warning, Mobile. Stop with all the Wal-Marts, they make you look trashy. You’ve got enough!

Stay sweet Mobile and be true to yourself. This is just the beginning of a bold new chapter. Keep your wits about you in this exciting time, and last of all, don’t forget to wear sunscreen.

Rob Holbert is Lagniappe managing editor. Contact him at rholbert@lagniappemobile.com.

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