Damn The Torpedoes

May 06 2008 – Moving -I remember when it was as easy as throwing a guitar and a sack of really ratty clothes into my convertible VW bug and driving to a new city.

Apr 22 2008 – If you think it’s tough selling a house, try selling one during the recent crime spree taking place in Mobile.

Apr 08 2008 – Surely there are soap operas that might rival the David Thomas saga in terms of twists, turns and crazy behavior, but since I don’t watch the soaps, DT’s life will have to provide the entertainment.

Mar 25 2008 – If you can’t say anything nice about Boeing and Seattle, don’t say anything at all? Well, not exactly. Rob Holbert tries to stay positve (kind of) about the West Coast sore losers.

Mar 11 2008 – The following is an interview I conducted with my personal psychic adviser, Nostrildumas "The Man Who Nose The Future." I frequently turn to Nostrildumas when I need advice about the future, and other than the time he told me to hang on to all my Internet stocks, he’s been eerily accurate.

Feb 25 2008 – I wonder if Roy Nichols wishes now that he’d made the school board members sign that pledge not to micromanage?

Feb 12 2008 – Some things just don’t make much sense. No, I’m not talking about the inexplicable rise of the band Nickelback, or Ben Lodmell getting arrested for allegedly trying to solicit an undercover cop for sex while he’s running for Congress.

Jan 28 2008 – In considering the long list of symbols I wouldn’t want emblazoned on my home or car, on a T-shirt or on a tattoo across my back, I’d have to put the Rebel Flag right up there with the Swastika and the Hammer and Sickle as symbols I’d avoid.

Jan 15 2008 – When I walked into my favorite watering hole the other night, my buddy William Hinge VanAnterse III – Trey to his friends – was standing at the jukebox with a perplexed look on his face.

Jan 01 2008 – Like every other chump columnist in the world, and probably even several in this very paper, the beginning of the year offers a prime opportunity to slap on the swami’s turban and to peer into the future.

Dec 18 2007 – It dawned on me the other day why Ron Popeil – magnate of that clearing house for awful products, Ronco – created the Popeil Pocket Fisherman.

Dec 04 2007 – It’s very easy this time of year to get all crazy about buying that new Pocket Fisherman to give dear old dad Christmas morning, jump into your car and rush down to the nearest Wal-Mart to mill around with everyone else in the tri-county area.

Nov 20 2007 – One of the things that is a real downer about this column-writing gig is the constant negativity.

Nov 06 2007 – OK, I know it sounds like I’m getting old, but things really have changed.

Oct 23 2007 – By now most of us know incoming Mobile County School Superintendent Roy Nichols is going to be raking in at least $210,000 annually and has a "gentleman’s agreement" with the school board that they won’t micromanage him like they do everything else.

Oct 09 2007 – As I was watching Velvet Revolver last Friday night at this year’s BayFest and thinking how nice it would be if someone would give emaciated lead singer Scott Weiland a sandwich, I couldn’t help thinking how lucky we are to have such a terrific music festival.

Sep 25 2007 – "You ever get spanked as a kid?" William Hinge VanAnterse III – Trey to his friends – asked out of the blue the other night.

Sep 11 2007 – Someone close to Alabama Attorney General Troy King needs to grab him by his pointy ears, gaze deeply into his eyes and tell him slowly and deliberately that he’s not Tony Soprano.

Aug 28 2007 – I suppose we’re going to end up getting "dancing waters" regardless of whether it makes great sense or not.

Aug 14 2007 – Here’s a short quiz. Guess which of the following positions are supported by the leadership of the Alabama Education Association.

Jul 31 2007 – When I was in college, Fat Eddie Smith pointed a pistol at my head.

Jul 17 2007 – I can’t wait to read the book Yvonne Kennedy is going to write about the history of Bishop State Community College.

Jul 03 2007 – It always hits hardest in July. The 7th was his birthday and the 22nd is the day he died.

Jun 19 2007 – I’ve got to admit, the end of the Alabama Legislative Session was much more satisfying than many I can remember, and not just because the Coastal Conservation Association was thwarted in its efforts to the state’s gillnet fishermen out of business.

Jun 05 2007 – I want to be Paul Hubbert’s son. It seems like it would be a great gig.

May 22 2007 – The following is a transcript of the commencement speech given at Mobile’s recent official graduation from a friendly ‘burg to a happening city: Good morning Mobile.

May 08 2007 – Like most evenings, I was drinking a cold beer watching the 9 p.m.

Apr 25 2007 – The concert business must be pretty tough, judging by what’s gone on around here lately.

Apr 10 2007 – You know, there are few things nicer than a city park.

Mar 28 2007 – So the folks in our state legislature have decided they want Alabama to be a "player" in the selection of the next president, and have moved our primary up to Feb.

Mar 13 2007 – It looks like another fish fight is brewing. Once again, it pits the small number of commercial fishermen still working in Alabama against the big money behemoth of the sports fishing community and its lobby, the Coastal Conservation Association.

Feb 27 2007 – I wandered into my favorite watering hole only to see my buddy William Hinge VanAnterse III – Trey to his friends – forlornly knocking back a Crown and Diet Coke.

Feb 13 2007 – OK, besides forcing David Thomas and Fred "Hollywood" Barkley to star in a reality show where they have to share a house and a telephone, what’s the best way we could improve our little piece of Heaven?

Jan 30 2007 – Man, how things have changed. I was reading recently how it is now a law in Bayou La Batre that parents can be arrested and fined for their children’s school absences or misbehavior.

Jan 16 2007 – We’ve been dealing with the fallout from a murder at my house recently, and it has introduced us to a shady underworld we wished we’d never discovered.

Jan 02 2007 – The haggard figure of Mobile School Superintendent Harold Dodge lay sleeplessly in his bed.

Dec 19 2006 – I still remember the heady days when we first started this enterprise you’re currently holding in your sweaty little hands.

Dec 05 2006 – The pressure’s on. This year really marks the first in which our children – particularly our son – will have some kind of Christmas expectations.

Nov 21 2006 – Inquiring minds around town are wondering what went down at Barton Academy Nov.

Nov 08 2006 – I must say life has instantly become very boring again.

Oct 25 2006 – The long knives are out at the Mobile County School Board, and no matter what they’re saying or not saying, the board members are about to get rid of Harold Dodge.

Oct 10 2006 – Bishop State President Yvonne Kennedy has someone on her very staff who may know a thing or two about scandal.

Sep 27 2006 – Every angler has his favorite fishing rod, the one he thinks spins magic as it reels off a hundred or so feet of monofilament in hopes of bringing back a shining, slapping, splashing fish for the dinner table.

Sep 13 2006 – My old buddy William Hinge Van Anterse III – Trey to his friends – sat at the bar pouring over some papers as he sipped his Crown and Coke.

Aug 29 2006 – Overall, the buzz about our little piece of Heaven seems to be pretty good lately.

Aug 16 2006 – The not-too-distant future in an airport near you…

Aug 01 2006 – St. Peter has a few words of warning for those who would continue to harm their fellow men and women with endless amounts of e-mail forwards.

Jul 19 2006 – Has it dawned on anyone else that we appear to have a serious judge problem around here?

Jul 05 2006 – Nine months isn’t a long time when you’re talking about geological phenomena or waiting for a new tag at the DMV.

Jun 21 2006 – A dog’s-eye view of the Spencer situation, as the managing editor’s mutt takes to the typwriter.

Jun 06 2006 – I’ve been getting this nagging feeling of government encroachment lately.

May 23 2006 – Constant vigilance is the name of the game at my house these days.

May 09 2006 – Well, it seems our long metropolitan nightmare might actually be over since David Thomas finally got the boot from the school board he so richly deserved.

Apr 26 2006 – Ratting out litterbugs is fun and something we should all be doing, if Mayor Sam Jones has his way.

Apr 11 2006 – Our intrepid columnist is starting to feel good about the city, and that’s bad for business.

Mar 29 2006 – Trying to give David Thomas the benefit of the doubt.

Mar 14 2006 – Luck may have as much to do with success in life as anything.

Mar 01 2006 – School Board Member David Thomas prompts some deep thought and conversation in a local watering hole.

Feb 14 2006 – Mayor Sam "Love" Jones’ "Love Thy Neighbor" campaign couldn’t have come along soon enough for me.

Jan 31 2006 – By Rob Holbert Managing editor The Alabama Legislature is in session, which means another opportunity for the state to embarrass itself is nigh.

Jan 18 2006 – It seems like everywhere I go these days, somebody’s talking about Wal-Mart, and they’re not just blabbing about how much you can save on granny panties, camouflage slacks or giant bags of Cheetos.

Jan 04 2006 – Recently, a Citronelle city councilman made a public pronouncement that he would like his city to embark upon a plan to become "less redneck." He proposed such things as people keeping their yards up and also touted the city’s smoking ban as helping the cause.

Jan 04 2006 – It was New Year’s Eve and I stepped out onto the front lawn to enjoy the last of my 12th bottle of beer and fire off a few rounds from my 9-mm pistol.

Dec 29 2005 – Well, maybe the terrorists have won. I don’t know how else to feel after reading in the mullet wrapper yesterday that Clarke County is spending $7,000 a year to insure itself against attacks by foreign terrorist groups.

Dec 21 2005 – About this time last year, millions of dollars were wasted on celebrations planned after it was rumored that “Fitness Made Simple- guru John Basedow was missing in the horrible tsunami that hit Southeast Asia.

Dec 07 2005 – Tradition is so important, especially around the holidays.