Cancer (6/22-7/22) — Inspired by the Coney Island hot dog eating contest, you’ll attempt a family record by eating your weight in cole slaw. Unfortunately, the attempt will make you cole sick and will lead to an unexpected stomach pumping. You’ll never eat that much again.

Leo (7/23-8/23) — To celebrate the opening of a doughnut shop near your house, the owners will shoot treats at customers with a pastry cannon. A chocolate doughnut will hit you in the face hard enough to leave a brown-tinted mark. You’ll get a lifetime supply of goodies as a result.

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